chronic pain, drawing, photo manipulation, stress relief, Uncategorized, writing

more about one of my mandalas

a little while ago i posted some mandalas that i created by using some original, traditional drawings and photo manipulating them.

i wanted to delve into this idea a little more. actually i just want to show off my coolest mandala.

i think it looks sort of like flash for a traditional american style tattoo. maybe i should get it! actually, because because my fibromyalgia ¬†makes my pain several times worse than it would be for someone with out the disease, so i’m not going to try it again. i’m mostly covered, anyway!

the symmetry of this mandala is just a pleasure for my brain to experience. the softness of the lines make it look kind of dreamy, something from a long time ago. obviously it gives me lots of ideas. that’s so fun!

it’s also fun to try out to different photo editing apps. i did that with ¬†such programs on the pc, ¬†but doing it with ¬†my phone, i had to get apps to do it with. i found several and am checking¬†them out. like anything you do first on the pc and then use on a device, there’s a learning curve, but it’s not like trying to learn to use PhotoShop!

i think this looks like a gate. maybe it’s a gate to a palace, or a crest over a door. i said tattoo already but it looks like i’m saying it again! it would be good painted on the back or a leather jacket (i had a jacket like that, but the painting i’d done on it wasn’t that great. haha!

it’s nice to remember that…and think about how incredibly much i’ve grown, artistically, over the years, especially over the last decade. i can’t believe that i’m still ¬†on the art therapy journey, one that i hope will never end!



abstract, art, artist, bipolar, dad, depression, painting, stress relief, Uncategorized

art history of me!

i think think i should write more in this blog. i know seeing pictures of my art is nice, but it’s kind of impersonal if i just post the pictures without any descriptions or explaining my technique, etc.

let’s start out with a little bit about my “art history.”

when i was 11 i found out that i was bipolar I, OCD, anxiety and panic disorder, i have eating disorder symptoms. PTSD was always there in there underneath. my mother was abusive, had almost all the symptoms. can you imagine two people (my dad left) like that, and filled with rage trying to cope.

everybody in my maternal extended family was an artist, professional or as a ¬†hobby. my mother taught me a lot about art. art’s in my blood. so is mental illness. all those artistic people in the family are mentally ill. most of them are in treatment.

my tough childhood, and my physical illnesses caused me to move out of the city i grew up in (st. louis–horrible place.) and move to the ¬†Bay Area to go to university–Santa Clara University. i started taking art classes, for fun, most of what i did was photography. i loved it. i started learning about composition, something i think i do well. i started to doodle.

i graduated from university at 23 and got married immediately. i was very depressed at the time. my dad knew that i was stagnating and falling deeper into my misery. he gave me money to buy painting supplies. i started out with oils, got brushes and canvases, linseed oil. the canvases i bought were huge. i had one that was $100. i knew  nothing about painting so i was just going along with my instincts.i knew immediately that i wanted to  paint abstract works. my paintings were decent, looking back.

i floated away from painting and didn’t make any art for a while. ¬†i started to make jewelry ¬†that i sold on etsy. i made weird jewelry, very mixed media. i even had custom beads made for me by etsy artists i made friends with. they taught me a lot, especially about photographing ¬†jewery. all my creative energy went into making jewelry. i figured a lot out on my own. at this point i realized that it was therapy, art therapy. ¬†i spent more money on the materials my jewelry to expensive for people ¬†to buy and if i priced them lower i’d be losing money big time. i quit, sadly.

shortly after that my husband suggested i join deviantArt. it was so exciting! so much to see, so many people that were friendly and eager to teach out and help others. i had two accounts and disappeared for long periods of time. over the six ¬†years learning to draw and paint. i still can’t draw very well. i can make trippy drawings with sharpies, thought. i think a lot of my paintings are pretty good. i’m always trying new things. it’s exciting every time i sit down to make a piece of artwork.

i don’t sell my art. i trade it and give it away.

now art is a huge part of my is wonderful therapy. ¬†it’s accumulating all over my house! i post it on various social media sites. not fb though. i get bad vibes from that site.


anyway, hope this was interesting, and i’ll ¬†try to write if ¬†anybody is interested. maybe i’ll do it simply for the sake of it.



abstract, abstractexpressiomism, art, artist, fine art, painting, Uncategorized

“rain of paint”

i realized these posts are kind of dull, or at least duller than they could be, with just the image of the art and no writing talking about what it meant or how it was meant or my  thoughts about it, etc. i hope people are interested in this!

this painting is on a ¬†16″x 20″ canvas. that’s one of my favorite size canvases. right now i’m mainly working on that size and 12″x 12″ canvases. i prefer square canvases to rectangle ones..

i spent a long time making the “background” which was really supposed ¬†to the finished painting. there were so many layers and colors and different kinds of brush strokes. i liked it a lot. i don’t know wtf got into me, but i sort of feel like i ruined a good painting that i spent ages on by putting white runny paint on it. i am¬†considering starting over and doing a similar one in a similar way ¬†and not dump a “rain of paint” all over it. oh well, it’s possible it enhances the painting. what do you think?

the intended atmosphere and explanation will apply to the painting without the white paint. i’m really sorry i didn’t take a picture before t his. anyway! the painting has a zillion colors in it. there are lots of colors and lots of colors i mixed, either on the canvas ¬†or on a palette. i used palette knives and brushes.

the atmosphere was supposed to be fairly complex. it’s a bit chaotic and many colored. i felt very intense when i was painting this and i wanted viewers feel that way, too. i have so much going on in my life i feel like there is the sort of mixed up, like the colors are here. that’s part of what i feel.

i guess the white paint rain on the painting ¬†was an act of rebellion against the time i spent trying to make something other people would find attractive and approve i. i don’t have much confidence in what i create. i think i’m scared of showing that.i don’t think the paintings i worry about are bad paintings, most of the worry comes from how the work will be received. i hate that i feel that way, but what creator doesn’t worry about what other people think about what they do. i suppose a “real” artist might not, someone like Picasso or Monet or Dali. (i probably don’t know how they felt, but that’s the way i imagine it).

what do you think about the addition of the drippy what paint? what feelings or atmospheres are you getting from the work?

…..i just fell asleep while writing this! thanks drugs! almost all the 20 something pills i take a day have the side effect of making you drowsy. ironically i get up at 5am because i can’t sleep any later. my body is plotting against me!

does anyone else watch “Arrow?” it’s another superhero¬†show on Netflix. it’s a bit slow to get into it, but i’m on season 1 episode 15 and i watch at least one episode a day. now it’s got lots of interesting mysteries, the characters are getting fleshed out and the plot is moving more quickly.

i’d love to hear your thoughts! (about any of this!)

a rain of paint

abstract, abstractexpressiomism, art, artist, fine art, painting, psychedelic, Uncategorized

“psychedelic cave formations”