anxiety, bipolar, blogging, chronic pain, depression, disabled, fibromyalgia, marijuana, medical marijuana, mental illness, Movies, spinal stenosis

A tin of mini joints! yay mmj!

I went to “my” dispensary, Harborside Health Center, in Oakland, CA this morning and the 45 minute drive from where I live (Fremont) was really easy. Sometimes it’s awful.  I drive up 880N on the east San Francisco Bay area going up to the Bay Bridge to “the City.” The freeway leads to a zillion other places, too.

The drive can be a bitch. I wouldn’t go near it during rush hour! But it can develop big problems at any time. I think all of this is like any other big city and it’s surroundings.

The freeway (what do you call it? Highway? Motorway? Autobahn?) I pretty scary in places there are very narrow lanes, and lots of places that have no shoulder, some epically bad merges, and more trucks than you can shake a stick at! For a long time it terrified me to drive up there. Now I know it inside out. I actually enjoy it. It clears my head. It’s also probably the most exciting place I ever go!

Today I bought a lot of mini joints.

tin of mini joints 2

Big joints or cones or blunts are just too much for me and since it’s medicine, I don’t share it with anyone. nobody wants to light up something you were smoking before and put out. Yuck! I came across these mini joints are perfect for me or anyone wants to smoke a joint by themselves. The cute tin is great for carrying them somewhere else you need to take your medicine. They’re also a really good deal. They’re 1/4g. The tins cost $40 and hold 12 mini joints.

So! Time to talk about movies. Last weekend my huz and I went to see Valerian. The eye candy was gorgeous. It was very creative and the best special effects I’ve seen in a long time. The girl who plays Loreline is Thea from Arrow. That was a surprise. I like her character on Arrow, so I liked her right away. She’s hotter than hot and loves to show it off. I was very surprised that Valerian was male! For some reason I thought he was a girl. Doh!

I’m only talking about surface things because it’s still me and I won’t give you any spoilers.

Atomic Blonde is out now. I adore Charlize Theron and slick action films are hardly deep, but they’re fun to watch. I have a feeling I’ll be going to that alone next week!

This weekend we are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary! One of the things we’re going to do to celebrate is to see Dunkirk. It got great reviews and it’s my very favorite subjects! (I have a b.a. in British history.

Tonight, as a beginning of our celebration, my husband brought me a s’mores sundae. It had real toasted marshmallows on top, they were even kind of burnt, as they should be! We’re going to have a special dinner, but I dunno what. We don’t exchange gifts, he has everything he could ever want, I just got a new phone from my dad, I don’t really need anything. We share the money so what’s the point? We do fun stuff instead!

On the upcoming Tuesday I scheduled 3 doctor’s appointments! Is that mind-blowing or what?? Who has that many doctor’s appointments?? I had to postpone one and I’m going to the other two because they are both psychiatric. I’m seeing my therapist and going to group. The third appointment was in the same department, but it was just getting started with a doctor who runs an acupuncture and meditation group. I can’t wait to start that, though!

I will be seeing my psychiatrist sometime next week, too! Can you tell I’m feeling crazier than crazy? I’m trying to keep myself out of the hospital.

On that jolly note I shall say gooodnight, at least for the moment.








anxiety, bipolar, blogging, chronic illness, depression, fibromyalgia, illness, mental illness, spinal stenosis, weightloss

3 reasons for me to feel good today

There are three reasons for me to be in good spirits today. Yay!

It’s National Fried Chicken Day!!I LOVE fried chicken! The second) good news will be ruined unless I only eat a little bit o. But oh I really want plates of it! 

What a bummer that other countries aren’t having national fried chicken day. If anyone hasn’t had American style fried chicken, come have dinner at my house. My husband is frying enough chicken for thousands!

The other news is pretty exciting!

As of this morning I have lost 57 pounds! (26kg)

I’m still losing I don’t have a goal, even though they say you should. if someone asked my advice even *I* would say it was a good idea. Right now I don’t I’m trying to pretend it’s not happening. That can help me do well and to stress less. I really don’t get it. I eat very lightly but I just don’t feel tempted. I don’t think about food most of the time. Maybe my depressive episode is to thank for it. Yay for depression. Ugh.

I want to go in an imaginary world where I can lock myself into my bedroom and have a pillow fight with myself. It would be zero gravity, so almost no pain! I need my beloved soda stream! My dog, water, comicbooks, alllll the pillows and blankets we have,and …LOTS of other stuff!

My huzzy does everything that needs to be done. I’m struggling to stop feeling guilty; last night after dinner I played with my phone while trying not to watch him clean up the dinner *he* cooked.

Everybody who reads my blog a lot (thank you lovely people) knows that I’m disabled. I have fibromyalgia and spinal stenosis, I walk with a cane. I have a lot of chronic pain, so there’s no way I can help with anything. I want to so much. I want to do things, like very simple stuff like putting the dishes in the dishwasher, but I can’t. I can’t stand up very long and bending over is not an option.

I want you to know, fuzzy huzzy, that you are the best husband a girl could have! Our 24th anniversary is at the end of July. Pretty impressive, I think!💞🌹

The huz takes excellent care of me. He’s a fab cook and he really enjoys that. But who enjoys going to the grocery store  and the farmer’s market to, go to the post office and such. Thank goodness we’re able to have a cleaning service come in.

He never complains, he’s never late, he doesn’t neglect things that need be done. He’s not perfect, but he’s the best choice i ever made. 💘💒

It’s hot and i didn’t notice again. Lol it’s 90F (34c)!  Lol!  I think i’m going to walk down the stairs very very carefully! Have a good evening, all.

chronic pain, corgi, dachshund, dog, dorgi, fibromyalgia, illness, pets, stress relief

playing with my dog, fibromyalgia style

one of the things that really broke my heart when i started  getting sicker and sicker over the last three years was not being able to play wild and crazy with my dog, mackie, half corgi and half dachshund, weighing in at 20lbs. he’s sturdy and strong, and annoyingly persistent!


i always like the fact that he had that wide stance and nice strong legs, especially for a small dog. i didn’t want a small dog for a long time because i didn’t want an animal that was delicate and babyish.

mackie is spirited and hyper. he runs and jumps and sometimes barks too much, but he has a very particular happy bark and i don’t shush him when he barks like that. otherwise most barking is off-limits. he’s not afraid of anything except big rubber balls (?). we used to wrestle on the bed. it was great! he likes lots of physical contact and is game for a fight. i have nice memories of that.

i used to walk him, not super far,because i’ve had osteoarthritis in both knees for half my life, at least. but i took him out and walked him around or threw the ball for him. sometimes i let him off leash and let him wander. sniffing is his favorite thing now that he’s a bit older (12).  since he knows i can’t chase him, the naughty little dog has figured out that if he runs off out of my sight, he can wander a lot further than i want him to. i have to rush around with my cane pushing me along, try to catch up with him. that only happened a couple times before he lost off leash privileges.

that was the first thing to go…off leash fun. it’s really interesting to notice that within a very short time, as my ability to walk very much declined, he picked up on it and took advantage of it. kind of depressing. my best friend was exploiting my illness! lol he’s just a dog and was just testing his limits and found he didn’t really have any outdoor limits, without being tied to me!

i felt bad for him. i wanted to let him wander and sniff for ages. i couldn’t walk him around enough for him to sniff much, so the best thing to do was to just let him sniff and i watched, sitting on my porch. i did that a long time because of my knees, but even then i didn’t need a cane and i was much more mobile so it worked better! he knew i could come get him pretty quickly.once he learned that he could get away with things he couldn’t before, i  had to stop it.

my ability to throw the ball for him  has declined a lot, too. i was never very good at it in the first place, but now i totally suck, so much so that i can’t do it for him anymore. it’s sad, he brings it to my feet and i can lob it about 2 feet. no more of that.

can i still play with my dog even though i have fibromyalgia? yes! (btw, why doesn’t spell check recognize “fibromyalgia?”)

i play with  him indoors. Chuck It brand dog toys and treats, etc. makes indoor toys, for throwing indoors! i have a ring, the third one he’s been through, that has a soft felt core and a sort of terry cloth cover. it’s very lightweight and throws well. it might bump over something light if it hit it, but for the most part it’s harmless…especially because it doesn’t make marks on the walls. check it out

Chuck It also makes a handle with a ball shaped scoop at the end that you throw balls with that would make it easier to play longer distance, but even that’s too much for me. so, i sit on the couch and throw that ring forever,endlessly, eternally until it’s too spitty to be tolerated!

he runs and plays. it’s not hard for me to throw it, it’s so light, and the living room isn’t huge, so it works out well unless it goes under something he can’t reach. that requires getting out the cane to push things out from under chairs and tables.

we have a lot of fun that way! i can actually tire him out (that’s quite a feat!) by throwing the Chuck It  ball around the living room (he’s really good at snatching it right out of the air!). it makes life more interesting for both of us and he gets to run and play and get the exercise a active dog like him needs.

moral of the story, usually if you try, you can find a different way to do things you used to do before you were sick, but seem like you can’t do now. this was my solution . it works for me. other people will probably have lots of other solutions!