art, art therapy, artist, drawing, Handmade jewelry, modern art, painting, stress relief, surreal, writing

art is therapy (illustrated)

Art has been a powerful form of therapy for me. i’ll show you!

 

conjoined alien twins return

This was one of my first acrylic paintings. I wanted to create something surreal. almost all my experience with art was abstract. It came to me naturally. surreal was a lot harder!

the lizard print is from when I was in high school, one of the toughest times in my life. My parents were in the middle of an ugly divorce and my bipolar was  undiagnosed and out of control. I was drinking heavily.

My four years of art class was a haven. We got to use the 2 big art rooms and supplies on lunch or after school. The teacher, Sister Claire was wonderful.

this is a lino print i made in one of her classes. she taught us to cut mattes too, i did a good job, but this photo doesn’t make it look that way!

“lino lizard” 1989

lino lizard-crop

I didn’t paint a lot until 2009. It was a very difficult time in my life.. I felt hopeless and shut down. I found art as a form of therapy. I knew I was creative and i’ve appreciated modern art as long as I can remember.

I didn’t know what to do about it. Then I read about prismacolor pencils online. I bought a ream of card stock and a set of them. I used up the whole ream and half of the pencils.

“pachyderm” an early colored pencil drawing

pachyderm_by_merpagigglesnort

I drew all day, most days and I felt better, as time went on. I joined deviantart and started to learn. I asked everyone everything.

I worked on learning to paint and draw. It was practice and obsession. It was incredible. The world seemed open again. I tried as many mediums as could.

I made friends with artists on social media sites. We discussed artists we liked, techniques, inspiration and motivation.  We validate each other and give and get positive feedback.

As I said, my art epiphany happen in 2009. It wasn’t the only time I painted. Both times my muse was my depression.

In 1995 I was asked to take a leave of absence from a job at E*Trade Securities that I hated, because of my bipolar disorder issues, I wasn’t able to act appropriately in a corporate environment. I cried at work, I missed way too many days, got angry when I was micromanaged, on and on. It was much too uptight, high stress, and just wasn’t what I wanted for myself.

After getting pushed out of my job i became extremely depressed. I was angry and scared. I felt ashamed. Thank goodness I had my husband to save me.

My dear father wanted to help. He gave me money to buy art supplies because he, my husband, and my psychiatrist thought it would be therapeutic. it was. 

I went wild! It was feeling the thrill of buying art supplies for the first time. I chose large format canvases, oil paints, linseed oil, turpentine, brushes, drop cloths. I was really excited again. I started painting. Some of it was really enjoyable. I didn’t like making all of them because they woke up feelings I needed to feel but didn’t want to. Therapy! Catharsis!

“comet cleanser” an oil painting i did in 1995. you can see the catharsis!

comet_cleanser_by_merpagigglesnort

Unfortunately, I only did that for a year. After that I made notebooks I filled with pen and ink drawings and oil pastels. i have no idea what happened to them, which is really too bad.

at one point I drew on a big pad of newsprint with sticks of charcoal. I put the pad on my old easel. I did lots of scribbling, making marks, (and making a mess!), practicing graceful curves suggesting the human body. Making big strokes and lines, drawing freely made me *feel* free.

I made and sold artisan jewelry for a couple of years after that. it kept my creative juices flowing and was a lot of fun. During this time I also did some oil painting.

one of my necklaces. i sold it to someone in australia!

tribal_choker2_by_merpagigglesnort-1

 

one of my oil paintings done during the time i was making jewelry, before i got serious about painting.downpour_by_merpagigglesnort

Now I paint with many kind of paints and inks.  I make psychedelic drawings with markers and fine liners. 

drawings:

 

paintings:

 

 

It’s still going on. I’ve learned so much! That cliche about the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know is definitely true in this case. I think it will get more and more interesting as I carry on my art journey. It is still, and always will be, a large part of the therapy I need for my mental and physical ailments.

“woman on the wind” water color

woman dancing on the wind

 

Advertisements
abstract, abstractexpressiomism, art, artist, fine art, painting, psychedelic, Uncategorized

“psychedelic cave formations”

wp-1469222534935.jpg

Uncategorized

disappointment and overwhelming emotion

one of the most troubling and upsetting things for me is disappointment. when i get my heart into an idea, it could be, going out to dinner and have something that bothers me about my food (that’s a recurring problem) i’m thrown into a tailspin. i want to cry, i want to get angry at someone, i want to have a tantrum, and the disappointment is crushing. i can also feel the same way about things like, not getting to see your favorite band because you are sick. that’s something that most people would consider very annoying and sad.

the disappointment i feel about little things make people think i’m overreacting  and being a spoiled brat. i wish i did’t feel that terrible disappointment, but i do. it hurts inside. i think a lot of it is that i look forward to things so much that they make me meltdown about anything that doesn’t go the way i thought it would, or wanted it to be.

i wonder sometimes how people who are not mentally ill feel about things like that. i believe that the ‘normal’ people don’t understand how much more powerful emotions are to us, than to them.

i feel everything like it’s a life or death  crisis. i hate it, it’s very traumatic. i think it’s a lot of the reason we have trouble fitting in with the rest of the world because they have no idea what it feels like to be bipolar.they write us off,  and think that all our reactions are over the top.

goddamn i hate being misunderstood!