anxiety, bipolar, chronic illness, depression, fibromyalgia, health, illness, mental illness, Movies, tv


When I was a kid my parents had me write in a journal what I watched on TV and how long I spent watching. I was only allowed 8 hours per week, including Saturday morning cartoons!

I didn’t know what my classmates were talking about when they got excited about shows they watched every night. I was amazed when they talked about watching TV all day on Saturdays.

My parents were both teachers and were left wing idealists. So I was raised differently from my friends. We never had any junk food around, I wasn’t allowed to eat sugar cereal and I had to drink diet soda. All these things don’t seem like that much, but together, especially the way kids latch onto anything they see as different, like me. Not only was I weird because I had very little experience with pop culture, but I really liked the learning part of school too! god forbid a kid cares about what is being taught​!

My whole life, as an adult, and even when I was in university, I didn’t watch much TV and rarely went to the movies. If someone turned on a TV I’d leave the room (I did watch Twin Peaks and Ren and Stimpy and a bit of MTV. That was when they showed music videos and bizarre, wonderful things like Liquid TV)

Even my favorite shows weren’t imporant to me. I could pass a few weeks and not watch anything.

For many years I didn’t even own a tv. When my husband insisted on buying a big tv I had a fit! I made him put it in the computer room. He liked to play console games on it, too. That seemed like a reasonable use of a tv.

My huz and I had many little conflicts about him wanting us to watch things together and I didn’t. I didn’t want him to watch anything at, but I was very insecure and had to be in the same room as my husband. Poor guy! I followed him around crying.

Having a tablet and Netflix made it all change. I could watch things alone, and I didn’t have to compromise on what to watch. Netflix original shows provided excellent content that actually kept my interest.

now I watch a couple of hours a day and I go to the movies at least once a week. Considering how bored I get, being stuck at home with my illnesses keeping me from doing things most people do, watching stuff is a bit of a life saver. It makes time pass more quickly.

I ‘ve had to tell myself that watching TV isn’t morally wrong!

blogging, goodnight, Movies, phone

working title lol

i’ve been sitting here for the longest time trying to figure out what to write about. i see so many blogs that are organized and researched and illustrated; blogs that are 2500 words or more. my posts are almost totally random and off the cuff. maybe that’s why i have so few people viewing them.

i do lots of random rambling, brain dumps, and made up stuff. there’s something about the really “good” blogs, they seem kind of impersonal. that’s the opposite of the way i work. i throw it out there with abandon. i rarely try to write my blog about a specific topic, by itself, and i’ve never researched anything for my blog. that’s not something to be proud of, i guess it really means that i’m not putting much into it. i just blab.

when i started blogging i wanted to write something open and personal, let people have a look inside. i like the informative blogs and the intellectual blogs but mine is like living with me. is it the ultimate twitter? i write about myself and my feelings, occasionally explaining my artwork and post lots of art. i love posting the art, which i do on several sites. it’s awesome getting comments and knowing that people have looked it and maybe even thought about it.

i’m overhauling my budget so that i can start saving money, fairly quickly, to buy a new phone. i desperately need more storage! i have almost a thousand pictures on my phone and i really don’t want to take them off. things are getting a bit slow and there are a few things that are going wrong for no reason. i’m going to get something unlocked. when i got phones with plans it just seemed like the bill every month was a lot more than i wanted to pay. so. savings. i figure i can live bare bones for awhile and buy one unlocked. part of it is that it seems like saving to get will make me appreciate the spiffy new one. any suggestions? it has to be android.

i saw Wonder Woman with my husband. it was a good think i had seen it before, because i had to leave to pee 3x! how annoying is that?? still, it was fab again and i wouldn’t be surprised if i went to see it again.

have lovely days or nights or both!




comics, Entertainment

comics i’ve read recently

i love comics! the art and the stories together make very satisfying reading. being an artist, the art is at least half  the reason i read a comic book, sometimes it’s a lot more than that. old comics don’t appeal to me as much as the new ones do. the drawing is totally different and the pages are like thick newsprint. the newer ones come, usually, on nice slick paper, like magazines but thicker. art-wise, that’s an awful lot nicer. it feels like you could rip the pages out (god forbid!) and frame them. of course, not all the art is that great, but a lot of it is remarkable.

i find out about indie comics and less well known comics from comic book store guy. i think i mentioned that he’s cute as a bug’s ear (my mother used to say that).  the store has a wonderful selection of comics there. it is called Treasure Island Comics. meh! it’s closed in this picture.

Treasure Island Comics Closed

according to him the batman comics are always the hottest comics.

single issue all star batman 6

this is one, below, is one of my favorite comics that are not DC or Marvel.

sixth gun

i’ve recently gotten into Wonder Woman. she’s a strong woman, as powerful as Batman, probably a lot more so, and on par (nearly) with Superman, who was her love interest for a long time. they’re drawing her much more as a warrior, than the lady in the not so invisible plane.

Wonder Woman, lies

my latest interest is Daredevil “the man who knows no fear.” i watched part of the Netflix show and liked it, but wanted to see the actually comics first. i read one collection and bought another. i was surprised, it arrived from amazon and that a hardcover version showed up. i wondered why it was so expensive! LOL

here comes Daredevil

comics are expensive and don’t take all that long to read, so you really have to want a book if you’re going to buy it. comics come in two formats. there are single issues, like the the batman one above. it’s a little more expensive because it’s longer than an issue usually is and as the title indicates, the series is “all star;”  which means it was drawn and written by famous names. a lot of them are people whose work i love.

comics also come in trade paper backs. they’re collections of quite a few issues presented as one volume. that’s how i usually buy them, unless they’re something brand new and something i’m really interested in, or something i like but want to read back issues of, or something i want to read, but i want to make sure i like it before i buy a volume. when the issues come out in a collection. the collected issues, come out in hardcover form before it’s released in paperback. (the Daredevil book isn’t new, it’s just a hardcover from the past.)

comics are great fun, though expensive. i highly recommend checking one out, they’re generally much cheaper on Amazon, but sometimes i buy the DC or Marvel comics at the shop because one should really support your local shop. i definitely get anything unusual, or find something there that i can get comic book guy’s advice and suggestions.

visit a local comic store and check it out, there’s something for everyone!!

anxiety, bipolar, chronic illness, comics, fatigue, fibromyalgia

the lie or the cold shoulder

today when i went to get my coffee the clerk asked how my day was going. i couldn’t help but answer with the truth i told him i was really really tired. he asked why and i told him, i have this disease and it makes me tired. how long have you been sick? it was clear he thought it was a cold or flu. i was embarrassed that i said it to a total stranger.  i just mumbled that i had a disease that was forever. there! i said it in public, even if i did mutter it!

it’s so hard to deal with situations like this. one option would have been to just say, oh i’m fine, thanks. that’s what i say when i’m nervous, or i’m actually doing really badly. i hate it. why does everyone have to ask. sometimes if it’s an internet person that i only know a little i say, do you want to know the truth or do you just want to hear i’m fine? i suppose that’s kind of rude, but that’s exactly how i feel. if you must ask how i am, be prepared for a lot of complaining or the cold shoulder.

sometimes i wish i didn’t have an invisible illness, that i had something you could see, or at least something people know about, but who knows anything about fibromyalgia? spinal stenosis is even worse. even fewer  people know what the hell that is. it’s not as invisible as fibro. i limp and walk with a cane. but the pain in my back and those awful flu-like symptoms of fibromyalgia don’t show, not does the awful nerve pain in my legs, not to mention the arthritis in my knees which doesn’t really affect my walking, it just hurts a lot.

i really wanted to explain fatigue to the guy i bought coffee from. of course he’d never get it, and in truth, i’d never actually say it, but it’s tempting. fatigue motherfucker, try it sometime! sometimes when i’m getting into to bed, for a nap,  or for the night, i have to sort out the covers, arrange the dog. get myself comfortable, etc. part way through all that, i’m hit with a flare of fatigue. i just fall back on the bed, none of those things done, i was just overwhelmed by frightening tiredness. sometimes i want to cry when i feel like that, but i’m too fatigued to even do that. i just laying bed for a little while and slip into sleep very easily.

i want to look fuss with my tablet and maybe even watch some Arrow, but my arms hurt too badly to hold it up. i have to sit at a table to do it. sitting up at a table or desk is hardly  comfortable with my ouchy back and hips.

i’m almost desperate to communicate. my sweet  husband is a very quiet introvert, he really doesn’t like hearing about things like my chatter when i’m nervous, or manic like right now. he’s not like my best friend; we don’t sit around and discuss problems or advice or support. his favorite thing right now is Planet Money podcasts. i shouldn’t complain, but sometimes i wish for a warmer, fuzzier partner.

i read the the first volume of Wonder Woman in the rebirth series (DC). it was really good. in terms of the art, most of it was great, showing her as the Amazon she is, tall, ready to fight at anytime. her costume is a little more stable, lol, it doesn’t look like her boobs are about to fall out at any moment and you wonder, how can she fight with a metal bustier on? she has a regular human lover! she’s been with Superman in the past, but this is intriguing and new.  the thing that i liked in every drawing of her was her hair. they (there are different issues by different artists contained in the volume i was reading.) all drew her with gorgeous flying and floating and curling hair in a great wavy, black and massive mane. i wish my hair looked like that! 🙂