anxiety, bipolar, disabled, feelings, fibromyalgia, Life, medicine

snapshot

i usually get coffee, about 7:30. i get my coffee at 7-11. i can make better coffee at home, but i like getting up and going somewhere. the guy working smiled and greeted me, and i him. he knows i like the hazelnut coffee, so if it’s gone or not fresh he’ll make a pot for me as soon as he sees me. 🙂 so the coffee is always really hot and fresh. sometimes, ok, i’ll admit it, most of the the i get a donut, a chocolate long, bar shaped one. it has custard inside. ahhhhh…when i’m feeling strong about losing weight i don’t get a donut. yesterday and today i didn’t get one, yay! i sit in my car and eat my donut, drink my coffee and drive around or go  to a store and buy something under a dollar.

i never want to be around the house when people are getting ready. it makes me wonder what it would  be like to be able to take a shower everyday.it makes me wonder what it would be like to look nice with my hair looking nice and jewelry on. it makes me want to be able to socialize with my co-workers and enjoy it.i’d love to have NO MEDICINE to take before, during, and after work.

i have a lot of things most people with jobs never have, good things. not working, can be as much a bad thing  as a good. you enjoy it for about the first six months and then you start to feel bored and useless. and you have to accept you’ll never work again. i was politely asked to go on disability. that was in 2000. gaaaaaaaaaaaaah i expected to be successful, not shuffled out the door. i felt like i was fired. i never dreamed that it could happen to me.

as i was saying i was there are bad things about working and i miss having to  have something to do with my life, but c’mon, i get up when i  feel like it, at least by the time my huz gets up when his alarm goes off. that’s at 8. when i worked we had to be there and bright and shiny, between  5:00am and 7:00am, depending on the schedule.i’ll never miss that job, except for the stock, but that’s an entirely different story.

now i  only have appointments like taking my dog to get his claws clipped, or for  my manicure, very very low stress.i don’t have to have short lunches where i run around and try to get errands done.i don’t have to deal with rush hour. i have a dog that’s getting older and i can take him out every two hours, i can’t imagine the poor thing shut out on our balcony having  having to wait desperately for 8-9 hours. he wouldn’t get enough  play or exercise.

weekends still excite me! i think TGIF! or have a good weekend or it’s gonna be great to have some time off. all my time is free time. the huz is home on the weekend.and i’m really glad about that!

mind you, that’s all great but i’m chronically ill. the only time i leave the house is that trip for coffee. i’m in pain, i have limited mobility, fatigue,  on and on.

so maybe i should say, i wish i had somewhere to go in the morning, to have a point to my day and be able to do a good job. but all that hinges on my being healthy. and i’m not.

but i try to make the best of it. i still do thing  things as though i was getting ready. but on fresh clothes, brush my hair or and do zillion things to my face, make sure my nails are ok; put on psoriasis cream, put lotion on my legs and feet. and then i have to carefully clean up after myself because we share the master bathroom double sinks and the huz is a nazi about that counter. it has to be completely bare except for our electric toothbrushes and some hand soap. i had to fight just to get the hand soap on there, too. jeez.

so, it’s complicated, and i think i won’t think about it anymore! Shame on you fibromyalgia, spinal stenosis, and diabetes. there is nothing good about any of you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

chronic illness, diabetes, disabled, fatigue, fibromyalgia, stress relief

self care for the chronically ill

as you know i am chronically ill and i n chronic pain, and  because of that there are lot of things that are harder to do as it is for people who are healthy. i get tired easily, things like standing and bending over, are really painful. i spend a lot of time sleeping and resting because i don’t feel good. because of fatigue it seems impossible to take care of your body.

for a very long time i didn’t do much of any self care. my body was getting dried and ashy.because my diabetes, my feet were awful. the skin on my face needs a lot of  help. my hands were stained with paint and other art supplies. i have psoriasis in visible spots like my elbows. it’s gross and itches and hurts. i have cream for it that works really well by i wasn’t put it on there and all the other places i have the skin problems. i change tense here because things are under control, some haven’t started yet, some are i n process, etc.

i saw my rheumatologist yesterday, for my three month check in. we were talking and he told me how well i was doing. he made a list on the computer and turned the monitor towards me. he typed all the daily self care things i had to do, it was a lot. really a whole lot. the only thing i wasn’t doing was exercise. heh. t he doctor is a gem. he’s cute, too!

i got a pedicure! i ordered some products, which inspires me to practice self care. i got salt hand scrub. kiwi sugar cube scrub for the body in the show. lip exfoliation. mask (two kinds), cinnamon tooth paste (i hate mint and this is the only flavor i  i’ve been able to find that wasn’t mint), facial moisturizer, body lotion, under anti aging creme, and gentle facial cleanser.  (i didn’t buy that all at once!) it’s really fun to buy new products and start a skin care routine. i learned a lot from reading @flzmrtnz ‘s blog post about her skin care routine. check it out  https://flzmrtnz.wordpress.com/2017/03/03/my-skincare-routine-tips/

the rheumatologist was kind of blown away by the amount of weight i’d lost since the last time i saw him, 3 months ago. it’s 40lbs! i keep having to buying new clothes. i just buy jeans once in awhile. lol. now *that’s* self care. i used to binge and i stopped and i just stopped eating so much!

exercise would be self care, but i hurt too much. i try take my dog on little bitty walks. my pain doctor told me to join a gym. i almost laughed. she she sees that i walk with a cane! she also took me off my prescription NSAID, which is awful because it’s so much painful without it. the rheumatologist gave me a different prescription NSAID and i’m feeling better already.

thanks for reading! if you have any questions about any of this, let me know, i’m happy to talk about my illnesses and anything related.

 

chronic pain, disabled, Uncategorized

thanks dad!

when I first had to get a cane, i hated the idea. I got a cheap aluminum cane from Walgreens. I got used to walking with it, and didn’t hate it so much. people stared and made s huge big deal about opening doors for me whenever I’m using it. getting accustomed  to it.

my father had an awesome idea. he said. use it like an accessory! get a cane you can be proud of! so. for chirstmas he got me a beautiful cane made of Padauk wood.
yay dad! it’s sturdier. beautiful. and is so smooth to the touch.

wp-1453212286373.jpg

…and, good news, my new handicapped parking placard came in the mail yesterday! my old one expired a few days ago.shwew! this one is for 6 months. the old one was only for 3.

having the placard allows my to go places I couldn’t go without it!

yay! 😀💜

Uncategorized

Unorganized thoughts

This is a common thing people do, and I think a lot of people do it because it really is beneficial…so, i am going to commit to writing some sort of blog post everyday for a month. I’m not doing it for longer because my heath and changes in my moods mean that I can’t say i’ll be able to do it for longer.

this can be a big problem for all suffers of chronic pain.  I don’t know how i’ll feel from one day to another.! My pain flares unexpectedly and with variations of intensity. I always have low grade pain, kind of like how you feel the first day you have a cold or the flu. it’s frustrating! Things will be pretty good in the morning but all sorts of things happen to turn things around. Tiny things are big things.

my thoughts are all over the place right now….

Walking with a cane can be fun! I feel dapper with mine. Haha! I saw my psychiatrist today and she said I should allow myself to move slowly. Everything feels better that way. Cars hover around someone who moves slowly across cross walks or in parking lots. As my doctor said, i have deal with being slow because my pain isn’t worth their getting to Starbucks in 5 minutes rather than 4. You really feel the eyes on you as you creep across.

Moving right along…haha….

Today I got 3 1/8th’s kof weed delivered to my door by my wonderful dispensery today. I’ve been smoking strawberry cough all afternoon  and evening because the pain in my leg was very bad. It helps a lot.. it helps a lot for my mood,as well.

This is a crappy post but it’s getting a little late. My feet hiurt in sort of a wiggly, zapping electrocution way. fatigue, my friends, takes the day.

😊😴