diagnosis, disabled, illness, Uncategorized, writing

journey to a diagnosis, part 1

two years ago i started a journey that i’m still on. it began with a pain my  left hip. i went to my GP and she said the problem was bursitis and that my  orthopedic surgeon. should give me a cortisone shot. when i when i went the surgeon she said it wasn’t bursitis and so she wouldn’t give me the shot. i was starting to get frustrated because as it went on, the pain in my leg (it was starting to spread)  was really getting to be a problem in moving around.i started wearing compression bandages on anything that hurt. i still do that. i also wear ankle braces and compression socks. i wear compression gloves for the pain in my hands.

my hands hurt because i had four surgeries on them, some a bit unusual, for i had trigger finger in all ten fingers. highly unusual. the doctor said it was genetic (my father had it in one finger as did his brother and one of his sisters. the other reason is because i’m diabetic. the surgeries were years ago but my hands will never be the same. they swell regulary and hurt like hell. i think the surgeon was  too quick to to do the huge surgeries. but whatcha gonna do? i put ice on them all the time.g

the orthopedic surgeon sent me back to my GP who then said it was sciatica. i almost cried. she then sent me to a pain doctor. i was glad because i thought i knew what it was. was.the GP sent me to a  pain doctor. he told me to have an  MRI to see if anything is going on with my spine. he found that i have spinal stenosis. L4 and L5 were pinching the nerves, which caused the pain in my leg and my low back . my pelvis and hips hurt deep inside. they found that i had arthritis in my pelvis as we in several  parts of my spine, not to mention the severe arthritis that i have in my knees. the knees get synvisk injections 2 times a year. they help a lot.

the pain doctor prescribed medicine that would help. the pain was spreading to my whole body.he gave me a big dose of gabbapentin, cymbalta, a strong NSAID called Sulindac and norco. they helped a lot,  but not nearly enough. he decided a procedure would help. i had an epidural steroid injection in  L5.

the clinic i go to for all my doctor, built a surgery center right next to the clinic. my procedure was only a couple of months after they’d opened. it was lovely! they put me in a room for prepping me for the procedure. the nurses were so nice. there  were three of them fussing over me. it actually  was really nice. i felt well taken care of. after kind of a  long wait they wheeled me into the operating room. i layed on my stomach on the operating table. it was a conscious sedation but you could have fooled me because i was close to being unconscious. they were giving me iv versed and fentanyl. that part  was  great! lol i could feel the doctor giving me little local anesthetic around the area he was going to go in with the needle. i didn’t feel much of anything other than my legs my legs went kind of numb and jumpy. when he finished i was taken to post op where i was given after care   instructions and got dressed. it didn’t help at all.

i’ll going to stop here because it’s a very long story. i meant for these sections of the story into approximately 500 words. i went over quite a bit this time!

stay tuned for the second installment!!

abstract, abstractexpressiomism, anxiety, art, artist, chronic pain, disabled, Life, painting, stress relief, Uncategorized

damn that app!

there are so many posts i would have written if i’d been using my computer (like i am now) rather than the app on my phone or tablet. obviously there’s the typing issue. i can type pretty quickly on a real keyboard, but on a touch pad… it’s the same for everyone. more than that though, there are so many things that are broken or simply never worked in the first place, it’s extremely difficult to navigate and about as opaque as can be.

i usually am in bed or on the couch because of my fibromyalgia and spine problems. i’ve written some about some of that, but nothing about the fibro and nothing about the illnesses at all in months. a lot of things happened and i learned things, am still learning things, and finding way to deal with my new-ish (it’s been leading up to here for about 2 years)issues. that’s mainly what i wanted to talk about over these months, but i couldn’t face typing all that out on a touch keyboard. being in places like bed that are so unstructured, even with a lap desk, and a bluetooth keyboard, really doesn’t work for me. i’ve tried just about everything.  nothing compares to a PC at a big desk and a good desk chair. i’ve got that, and i’m lucky, i know.

i haven’t used this desk first because my pain was such that being on the couch was the most comfortable place to be for a very long time. the main things i do are internet, art, and sleep (and complain). i moved all my art stuff and general desk stuff downstairs (and there is a LOT of it) downstairs. i was living down there almost entirely.

i came upstairs, these last few weeks, but i have to be in bed most of the time, the pain is bad enough that even the couch is too painful to be on for long. the bed and this desk are upstairs. so i spend most of my time in bed, during bad spots, like what most of the days have been like, lately. since the computer room, where i am now (aka the red room…yes, the walls are painted dark red….)

workspace_2013_by_crazyruthie

{as i was writing i remembered this photo. that’s what it was like in 2013 before all this pain started.}

…..is on the same floor as the bedroom i come in here to do computer things or draw or just sit in the desk chair which, i forgot, has a special lumbar support feature, so it makes my back quite happy.

i’m veering off topic, not that i was on topic before, cause the only topic was supposed to be about why i hated the app and i finished that up in the first paragraph. i just kept going! and so i guess i can say anything! i’m not very good at doing things in order.

so back to where i work, spend my time, get whatever or nothing done, etc.

this is where i work now looks like..

 

{aren’t those circles hilarious?}

basically i’m using half the dining room table. i clear it all off sometimes, like the top pic or stick everything in one corner and try to take up as little room as possible, like the bottom pic. (those are my japanese watercolors, i wrote most of a post about them a couple months ago. if you want to read about them i’ll  show you.)

you want to see more workspace photos, you say? no problem, i answer!

 

i have an appointment with my new dentist today. i wasn’t going to see him until 2017 because i used up all our dental insurance for the year with 2 root canals at $1500 a pop. one of the temporary crowns got damaged and it didn’t hurt, so i was going to wait to get  it fixed. well, now it hurts and i’m not doing thanksgiving without being able to chew properly! i had a big disaster at my last dentist, they couldn’t understand my new, disabled person, needs and so i got mad and found a new dentist! so, i’ll be meeting him in 2.5 hours. i’m scared to death cause i have no idea what it will be like there, but it’s a big practice and i have a feeling they’ll be a lot more professional and they’ll have a much more modern office. still…  i’m also really worried about how much i’m hurting now, because it’s very hard just to get around the house. boy oh boy i better not get lost!!!!!!!

bye for now!

abstract, abstractexpressiomism, art, artist, fine art, painting, psychedelic, Uncategorized

“psychedelic cave formations”

wp-1469222534935.jpg

Uncategorized

goodnight!

for the longest time I thought I had to have something significant to write here, something interesting and of import. I found myself wanting to write posts but not doing it because I coululdn’t couldn’t pin down anything original or well thought out. recently I decided, screw it! I don’t think a whole lot of people read this. I don’t have a cause per se, so i’m just going to ramble.

tonight I had an icky dinner from a Medditerainian dinner, the food was cold, and would still have been sub par even if it were hot. wasted calories and money. I feel ill and that makes me feel twice as bad because I can’t smoke pot. I know it would help. i’m looking at the bong (i’ve got to put that into the waaay back of the garage, our deep storage space!) thinking if only, if only. the stupid painkillers have made me constipated (even though i’m taking stool softeners) and that is contributing to the awful pain in my gut.

the part, ok, one of the parts, that really bothers me is that the percoset that I had to give up the medical marijuana for, isn’t killing all the pain. in fact, my hips, pelvis, butt, and back are aching constantly and giving me sharp pains if I move much at all. whoop ti doo. if I lived out in the boonies, i’d be howling at the moon like an unhappy dog.  instead, i’m grinding my teeth and swearing under my breath.

i’m looking forward to tomorrow because amazon is bringing me a new coffee grinder and the thermal mug i’ve always wanted, but didn’t realize it existed. I love the heat retaining qualities of stainless steel but I hate drinking of a metal cup. this one is ceramic for the top few inches and stainless below. obviously the part you drink out of is thr ceramic part. yay!

i’m cold and tired, not to mention grumpy. it will be time to crawl into my delicious bed with my lovely family (consisting of my husband and my dog) and sleep away my troubles, if only temporarily. the cleaning people came today and changed the bed. it’s almost untouched. WHEEEE! lol

goodnight!!

chronic pain, disabled, Uncategorized

thanks dad!

when I first had to get a cane, i hated the idea. I got a cheap aluminum cane from Walgreens. I got used to walking with it, and didn’t hate it so much. people stared and made s huge big deal about opening doors for me whenever I’m using it. getting accustomed  to it.

my father had an awesome idea. he said. use it like an accessory! get a cane you can be proud of! so. for chirstmas he got me a beautiful cane made of Padauk wood.
yay dad! it’s sturdier. beautiful. and is so smooth to the touch.

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…and, good news, my new handicapped parking placard came in the mail yesterday! my old one expired a few days ago.shwew! this one is for 6 months. the old one was only for 3.

having the placard allows my to go places I couldn’t go without it!

yay! 😀💜

Uncategorized

i’m on my own now….

i went to see my doctor, Dr Lu, a specialist in physical medicine, who has been treating my spinal stenosis. i was afraid that this would be the end of the help he could give me, but i was hoping against hope that it wasn’t true. wrong!

he referred me to a spine surgeon, which i am going to skip because there is no way i am having surgery on this until it lasts a lot longer and gets a lot worse. i think he was grasping at straws. he ordered knee xrays! i kept trying to tell him that i’ve had arthritis in my knees for many years and my orthopedic surgeon treats them with injections. so, another xray is really NOT useful.

the only good thing he did is order a TENS unit for me, that my insurance will pay for.

it seems i am left with taking my meds, resting, and using things at home that treat symptoms. things like, ice, heat, compression, diet, and patience.

he didn’t even thing it was necessary to make another appointment. as my husband said the doctor meant, you’re on your own now. i think he knew that this would be the case, but didn’t want to keep me from being hopeful.

i was incredibly anxious about this appointment, this morning was awful. this is the outcome i didn’t want. i want to scream, somebody help me! but what’s the point.

hopefully i’ll be able to get used to this idea, and just move on, doing my best. maybe it will go into remissions sometimes? i know there are good days and bad days.  live in the moment, in the moment, in the moment!

but if you do that, where does your time go? it just floats away. this makes me want to ask myself big giant questions like, who does this make me since i’m so different from i was before spinal stenosis? the ever popular  question, why me? the thing in the forefront of my mind when will it end? will it ever end? is there anything else i should be doing? is there anyone who can help me? where do i stand? is my life ruined? was my life much better than i thought before this? is there anything i could have done to prevent this? should i get a second opinion? on and on…

i don’t know anything and i feel a lot. where to go from here?