art, bipolar, blogging, chronic illness, comics, depression, Life, texture

My week.

I was very depressed yesterday because of Chris Cornell’s death. I still can’t listen to Soundgarden or Audioslave, I’m afraid it would upset me more than i”‘m willing to go through right now.

My own depression is bad, my pain is difficult and I have something new to be afraid of. It”s a procedure that is going to be very painful.

I’ve been reading comic books like crazy! I found trade paperbacks aka graphic novels, aka comic books that are collections of quite a few single issues collected in one volume used which are half off the price listed on the book. Comic books are really expensive, so it”s a great find. They have a good selection of older Batman books.

I can”t wait for the Wonder Woman movie to come out and The Defenders on Netflix!
I enjoyed seeing whatever that King Arthur movie is called. I enjoyed it because Charlie Hunnam was the star. I have a big crush on him, from watching 7 seasons of Sons of Anarchy. The plot was all over the place, i didn’t relate or sympathize with any one, there was no character development, and even though it was fantasy, it still seemed like it was wildly unbelievable (not in a good way!).

I am trying to ignore what’s going on in my country. I live in a little bubble . Trump is ruining everything. Photos of him make me sick. So I tune it all out. I like to stay up late and close up everything…all the curtains and blinds. paranoid, maybe. Great need for privacy.

My neighbor complained about my dog’s barking. I don’t blame him, it’s a pain in the ass! I have to figure out how to shut the dog up!

I painted yesterday and today. It felt good,

I hope you have a creative weekend!

art, body modification, tattoos

My Tattoos

My tattoos were incredibly important when I got them 15-20 years ago. I love them and have never regretted anything about them.

I think I made good choices that reflect my artistic vision, which is weird because I only dabbled a  little in art at the time and didn’t think I had a vision or style.
My artist who has done all but my very first tattoo which I got when I was 17, influnced me more than  anyone. Mind you, this is about my drawing style, not my painting style.I helped design them and actually drew some of them. All but one are abstract.


 they are still very important but I don’t feel the need to have them showing all the time or talk about them all the time the way I have in the past. Sometimes I dress, not on purpose, and wear my hair down,such that you can’t see any of them. I feel like I have a secret! Also, I wonder if people would treat me differently if they could see them.

People argue about who is the “owner” of the tattoo, or who is responsible for it. Tattoo artists help with the design, or do it entirely. They draw it and ink it on mimeograph paper. They’re making original pen and ink drawings that they color on the skin. If your tattooer is a good artist, you’re not just getting random marks on you’re getting original, custom art. The tattoo artists get paid for their artwork, like any successful artist. spend A LOT of time on anything that’s big or intricate or both. They usually take a picture to put in their portfolio. So, you could argue the artist gets the credit.

 But people who have gotten tattoos say that they helped design or gave picture to the artist. It’s their body, their  blood, their time sitting uncomfortably. I had do a lot of that, sitting on a chair with your body turned so that you can twist your arm backwards. Try sitting like that for hours. For a tattoo I have on my right calf, that goes from the middle of my foot up to my knee, all the way around. i had to stand with my knee bent on a chair seat and the other leg standing with my foot next to the chair.I was leaning on the back of the chair. I was in that position for 4 hours (with short breaks to smoke pot) with blood running down my leg.that might not seem like much to some people and could see remarkable to some. 

Either way, you can see why the person getting the tattoo could see it as *their* tattoo. I think there’s some truth in both.
There was a brief period of time that I was incarcerated. They took everything away from me, but I still had my tattoos. They were my art, clothing that was part of my body. I could run my fingers over them and feeling them slightly, here and there. I could run my eyes over them and tap into a thousand memories.

Some of them look like armor and they all feel like that. I put thousands into paying for them. That was when I was working so it was the sweat of my brow. My husband supports me now (wonderful man that he is), so I don’t feel like any of our household income is 100% mine.

Because I paid for all the tattoos with money I earned, when I was working, it is very important to me, sincebe because of that, they belong to me and me alone.

I love the permanency. Most people are scared of it. I want to stay true to myself. The tattoos force me to be.

anxiety, art, bipolar, chronic illness, chronic pain, depression, dog, dorgi, fatigue, fibromyalgia, illness, music, painting, writing

a blown fuse in the stereo was the catalyst…

we have a stereo in the living room that my husband built. it’s beautiful, both in looks and sound. IMG_20151104_161920192

(thank heavens that bloody elliptical machine is gone. we sold it on craigs list.)

i love hanging out in there because the stereo sounds so good. sometimes during the day when everybody else is at work, i crank it and listen to something that gives me the shivers like “black bird fly” and “because” (beatles) or mozart’s requiem or some bad ass soundgarden, whatever. the volume can be frightening because if it goes all the way up (only happened about four times in a decade) it makes me crazy. the only way i can function enough is to grab the cord and unplug it. i have PTSD  from my mother screaming in my face for years, so loud noises just rip me up.

right now there is a tiny fuse blown in the amplifier that my husband can fix. he figured out the problem with all kinds of tools and meters. i love having a man who understands electronics intimately! the problem is it’s a very specialized part, not the kind of thing you can get at Radio Shack (the one near me is finally going out of business). he ordered it from an obscure site that will take 10 days to get the damn thing. i’m used to Amazon Prime, free two day shipping!

so. no music for 10 days, at least not in the downstairs without headphones. breakfast, no music, lunch, no music, dinner, no music. i don’t like head phones that much, they make me feel too warm. i don’t like earbuds cause they hurt my ears (they must be deformed mutant ears) and the in ear kind won’t stay in. it’s those mutant ears….

that means i am driven up stairs. that’s not so bad because we have what we call the red room, which, big surprise, is painted a nice clear red. that’s the office art room. it used to be anyway. when i was feeling much worse than i do now, while they were trying to diagnose me, i couldn’t come upstairs much because it was such an ordeal, so painful. thanks fibromyalgia and your chronic pain!!! my huz moved most of the art stuff downstairs  and i hung out in the living room on the couch and did what art i could. when i felt good/better i could sit at the dining room table and paint. i can make it into my happy place.

IMG_20170310_104635704

doesn’t that look fun!?

i’m way off topic! but who cares? it’s self expression and i should do whatever i feel like when i’m writing my blog, right?

there is a fab stereo in the red room and an other awesome one in the bed room, the purple room. the huz built both of those, too. building stereos, both the wood working and the electronics, is one of his hobbies. he’s a software engineer by day.

when i’m feeling crappy, which is 90% of the time, i can lay in bed and use my devices (that sounds rude lol), read a comic book, or draw in my sketchbook. inevitably i go to sleep. i think the pain just wears me out. plus fatigue is a biggie in terms of fibromyalgia symptoms. luckily the bed raises up at the top (like a craftmatic adjustable bed, remember those stupid commercials? doh!) so i’m pretty much sitting up and am more likely to stay awake, which is the goal.

i almost always have the puppeh in bed with me. he LOVES being in bed.

sleepy_mackie

my PC is in the red room. i didn’t use it at all for a couple of years. i was downstairs with my devices. the WordPress app is horrible, just awful. it won’t even show notifications, it just sits and spins it’s wheels. that’s a lot of why i didn’t write in this blog for months and months. i couldn’t use the PC which is the only decent way to work on the blog. (i can still read other people’s blogs on the devices, shwew!) the other thing was that i was so overwhelmed and in so much pain and so depressed that the idea of writing anything was repugnant. now that things are a little better, i don’t mind writing, i’ve come to really enjoy it. i i used to write a lot. i still keep a journal.

the blown fuse on the stereo downstairs is helping write my blog!

totally off topic! i’m listening to the eagles harmonize acapella. that would be a good thing for cranking on the living room stereo.

oh, and welcome to my house! tee hee! 🙂

i hope you’re having an outstanding day! i plan to! ❤

 

 

 

 

 

goodnight, sleepy, Uncategorized

Saturday night

Hello to everyone who is in the midst of their Saturday night and sweet dreams to those who aren’t!

I had sliders and fries for dinner! On Friday nights there is a food truck gathering nearby and we usually get food from there. We shared what he got, so we each got one hamburger and one that was fried chicken with honey and coleslaw on it. Omg, so good!

I have super glue all over a bunch of my fingers! It wasn’t a glue disaster, I did it on purpose. 😄 When I paint I wash my hands over and over all day, so many brushes to clean! Then they get  painty again, so I wash them another time!😭

I kind of like washing the brushes, I try to be mindful…feel the temperature of the water running on my hands and the pressure of it, too. I like unscented soap so I’m not overwhelmed by a strong, distracting odor. It makes me feel headachy, but that’s just me. I watch the color run off the brushes. It’s different each time. When the water runs clear I stroke them into the proper shape so they dry nicely, and set them in the dish drying rack.

Haha! Tangent! Anyway, all the brush washing, and carelessness, and laziness make my hands crack and have little cuts and nicks on them. They really hurt. But super glue to the rescue! It’s basically a liquid bandage, one that actually works. It protects all ouchy parts and wears off eventually. It’s pretty easy to pick off, too.

I’m tired.

G’night! 😊