abstract, abstractexpressiomism, acrylics, art, artist, colorful, contemporary art, fine art, modern art, painting

my latest commission

This is a “commission” from my husband. lol

My payment is getting another piece of my art on a wall in my house and a fuzzy feeling.

He gets a piece of original at to put on his wall and gets a fuzzy feeling because I spent a long time on it and was really excited about it.

When he asked for the painting I asked for his requirements. He said he wanted something: in acrylics, bright, in blue and yellow and he picked a 16″x20″ canvas.

I like working within restraints because it makes me do things that wouldn’t have otherwise. In this case, it’s the color scheme. I like both blue and yellow but  I wouldn’t have thought of using them together for a combination.

It will hang in a hallway upstairs. There’s a sky light almost directly above it!

Count On It

 

 

 

 

 

Count On It

 

anxiety, bipolar, blogging, chronic pain, depression, disabled, fibromyalgia, marijuana, medical marijuana, mental illness, Movies, spinal stenosis

A tin of mini joints! yay mmj!

I went to “my” dispensary, Harborside Health Center, in Oakland, CA this morning and the 45 minute drive from where I live (Fremont) was really easy. Sometimes it’s awful.  I drive up 880N on the east San Francisco Bay area going up to the Bay Bridge to “the City.” The freeway leads to a zillion other places, too.

The drive can be a bitch. I wouldn’t go near it during rush hour! But it can develop big problems at any time. I think all of this is like any other big city and it’s surroundings.

The freeway (what do you call it? Highway? Motorway? Autobahn?) I pretty scary in places there are very narrow lanes, and lots of places that have no shoulder, some epically bad merges, and more trucks than you can shake a stick at! For a long time it terrified me to drive up there. Now I know it inside out. I actually enjoy it. It clears my head. It’s also probably the most exciting place I ever go!

Today I bought a lot of mini joints.

tin of mini joints 2

Big joints or cones or blunts are just too much for me and since it’s medicine, I don’t share it with anyone. nobody wants to light up something you were smoking before and put out. Yuck! I came across these mini joints are perfect for me or anyone wants to smoke a joint by themselves. The cute tin is great for carrying them somewhere else you need to take your medicine. They’re also a really good deal. They’re 1/4g. The tins cost $40 and hold 12 mini joints.

So! Time to talk about movies. Last weekend my huz and I went to see Valerian. The eye candy was gorgeous. It was very creative and the best special effects I’ve seen in a long time. The girl who plays Loreline is Thea from Arrow. That was a surprise. I like her character on Arrow, so I liked her right away. She’s hotter than hot and loves to show it off. I was very surprised that Valerian was male! For some reason I thought he was a girl. Doh!

I’m only talking about surface things because it’s still me and I won’t give you any spoilers.

Atomic Blonde is out now. I adore Charlize Theron and slick action films are hardly deep, but they’re fun to watch. I have a feeling I’ll be going to that alone next week!

This weekend we are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary! One of the things we’re going to do to celebrate is to see Dunkirk. It got great reviews and it’s my very favorite subjects! (I have a b.a. in British history.

Tonight, as a beginning of our celebration, my husband brought me a s’mores sundae. It had real toasted marshmallows on top, they were even kind of burnt, as they should be! We’re going to have a special dinner, but I dunno what. We don’t exchange gifts, he has everything he could ever want, I just got a new phone from my dad, I don’t really need anything. We share the money so what’s the point? We do fun stuff instead!

On the upcoming Tuesday I scheduled 3 doctor’s appointments! Is that mind-blowing or what?? Who has that many doctor’s appointments?? I had to postpone one and I’m going to the other two because they are both psychiatric. I’m seeing my therapist and going to group. The third appointment was in the same department, but it was just getting started with a doctor who runs an acupuncture and meditation group. I can’t wait to start that, though!

I will be seeing my psychiatrist sometime next week, too! Can you tell I’m feeling crazier than crazy? I’m trying to keep myself out of the hospital.

On that jolly note I shall say gooodnight, at least for the moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Entertainment, Movies, writing

going to the movies

I have mentioned many times how often i go to the movies, and mostly alone. I’ll see practically anything, just to go to the theater.

I have a handicapped parking placard so i get to park right in front. I use my cane because it’s kind of a long way from the lobby to the theaters. I always get the same seat. C15. i have to be on the aisle. The theater i go to is the only one i’ll patronize. The seats are like huge soft recliners that sometimes makes me sleepy when i’m seeing a film just to be at the movies. I kind of like seeing films like that so when i have to get up to go to the bathroom,  it doesn’t matter much. I have to pee 2 or 3 times during a movie.

That’s because i get a giant soda and suck it down fast, then refill it. They have those Coke machines that have every possible kind of coca cola product. I usually get ginger ale with a fruit flavor in it. Sometimes i have diet minute maid pink lemonade with sprite zero. Once in awhile i’ll get popcorn, but you get so much and then i eat it all even if i don’t really want to. Gah!

I love sitting in the dark. The films are very loud and that makes me feel free sometimes. The seat i mentioned that i always get is pretty close to the screen, that way it’s always free, no one else is  ever around there. I can kick back and be hidden in the cold, dark theater. Unless i’m a dodo and forget to wear a long sleeve shirt or a flannel. If i remember to dress warmly the cold is nice. I love air conditioning! I have it on at my house now!

When i come out of a movies when it’s over, i feel like i’ve come from a vacation. I refill my massive soda and head out to my super hot car.

Yay! I saw the new planet of the apes movie yesterday. I went with my husband. I think he’s really happy that i like going to the movies again. (there was a very long period of time, years and years, that i didn’t ever want to go to the movies.) He loves them too, just not quite as much as me!

Have a lovely sunday! Relax or play! Sleep or swim! Eat or go for a walk! Read or watch a movie! Pet your furbaby. That’s key. 😀

anxiety, bipolar, blogging, chronic illness, depression, fibromyalgia, illness, mental illness, spinal stenosis, weightloss

3 reasons for me to feel good today

There are three reasons for me to be in good spirits today. Yay!

It’s National Fried Chicken Day!!I LOVE fried chicken! The second) good news will be ruined unless I only eat a little bit o. But oh I really want plates of it! 

What a bummer that other countries aren’t having national fried chicken day. If anyone hasn’t had American style fried chicken, come have dinner at my house. My husband is frying enough chicken for thousands!

The other news is pretty exciting!

As of this morning I have lost 57 pounds! (26kg)

I’m still losing I don’t have a goal, even though they say you should. if someone asked my advice even *I* would say it was a good idea. Right now I don’t I’m trying to pretend it’s not happening. That can help me do well and to stress less. I really don’t get it. I eat very lightly but I just don’t feel tempted. I don’t think about food most of the time. Maybe my depressive episode is to thank for it. Yay for depression. Ugh.

I want to go in an imaginary world where I can lock myself into my bedroom and have a pillow fight with myself. It would be zero gravity, so almost no pain! I need my beloved soda stream! My dog, water, comicbooks, alllll the pillows and blankets we have,and …LOTS of other stuff!

My huzzy does everything that needs to be done. I’m struggling to stop feeling guilty; last night after dinner I played with my phone while trying not to watch him clean up the dinner *he* cooked.

Everybody who reads my blog a lot (thank you lovely people) knows that I’m disabled. I have fibromyalgia and spinal stenosis, I walk with a cane. I have a lot of chronic pain, so there’s no way I can help with anything. I want to so much. I want to do things, like very simple stuff like putting the dishes in the dishwasher, but I can’t. I can’t stand up very long and bending over is not an option.

I want you to know, fuzzy huzzy, that you are the best husband a girl could have! Our 24th anniversary is at the end of July. Pretty impressive, I think!💞🌹

The huz takes excellent care of me. He’s a fab cook and he really enjoys that. But who enjoys going to the grocery store  and the farmer’s market to, go to the post office and such. Thank goodness we’re able to have a cleaning service come in.

He never complains, he’s never late, he doesn’t neglect things that need be done. He’s not perfect, but he’s the best choice i ever made. 💘💒

It’s hot and i didn’t notice again. Lol it’s 90F (34c)!  Lol!  I think i’m going to walk down the stairs very very carefully! Have a good evening, all.

anxiety, bipolar, depression, writing

Tid-bit of Trauma from the past

the homeowner’s association sent two men to look at the leak in the roof. i was the only one home and having strangers in the house, even when my husband was home, scared the crap out of me. rain was predicted for the following day so we HAD to have them take care of the problem right away.

by the time they got there i was already a panicky mess. they pulled up in the driveway and got out of a really ratty station wagon. i had expected a truck with a roofer’s logo and workmen in uniforms with their names embroidered over the pocket.

i ran down the stairs with a lump in my throat and let them in. they started going upstairs after muttering something. i started to hyperventilate. they carried a ladder in, opened the door to the attic, which was in the ceiling, and climbed up.

i dashed into the computer room and shut my eyes repeating “it’s gonna be ok, it’s gonna be ok…” over and over under my breath. when i opened my eyes, a couple of minutes later, the ladder was gone!!!! the attic door was shut. their car was still in the driveway.

i heard them walking around above me, in the attic. i felt like i’d been punched in the gut. i grabbed my phone and called my huz. when he answered i was already babbling, sobbing high-pitched hysteria. he tried to calm me down, but it was hopeless. i begged him to come home. he agreed and i went and curled up in the bedroom closet.

when he finally got home he found me there with my hands over my ears. he told me they’d been on the roof all the time i thought they were in the attic. he sent them on their way and hugged me tight.

anxiety, chronic illness, chronic pain, depression, disabled, dogs, fatigue, fibromyalgia, medical marijuana, Movies, stress relief

taking a hard fall

the huz and i went to Beauty and the Beast. it was all about dresses and dancing. it was visually fantastic, but that’s about all it did for me.

as i was coming in the house i tripped on the first  step into the living room i tripped and feel on my face. the mega huge soda that i refilled when we leaving the theater and went flying all over the room. i hit the floor with my hip and hand. now i have a sore wrist, a really sore hip, and a sticky floor. the floor is wood, which made the fall delightfully hard. grrr! gahhh! hopefully it was no more than some soreness. i fear this might bring on a flare (just like any kind flare up is like other kinds of flare ups, but in this case, the flare is increased pain) of my fibromyalgia symptoms.

i may spend the evening in bed or maybe one of my prescription NSAIDs. they help quite a bit. ice packs and heating pads will feel good and my pjs and of course, Mackie.

remember those adidas sandals i was stoked about?  i left them together and after the cleaners  came, there was only one. i hardly think they stole it. what would they do with it? lol i trust them anyway. i have looked and looked looked for it and can’t find it. sometimes they put things in odd places that i’d never think to look in or take it away with all their bags of stuff. now what, right? i suppose buy them again, but it just makes me want to scream. the huz will look. he’s good at finding things.

i guess i’ll just smoke a lot of medicine. of course that makes me worry about running out because i  think i really am going to. that’s only happened once before.

so the day sucked. the evening hasn’t happened yet, it might get better.

Life, Uncategorized

complaining

i’ve been wanting to write all day but my head is in a weird place and i know i can’t organize my thoughts, i can’t come up with an  interesting subject and i probably can’t write very well tonight.

so, i’m just going to have a brain dump. i dump everything that’s on my mind and you can read it if you want to. and you always have the option to like or comment. you totally don’t have to.

i made an alcohol ink painting today, 2 in fact. this time i wore gloves so the ink wouldn’t stain my fingers  and ruin my manicure! one of the paintings was utterly  boring, looked like there were  only three colors, just sitting there, not interacting with each other. the other i worked on was bigger and it just turned out shit. i’m certainly letting you know i’m feeling grumpy!  OMG I CANNOT TYPE

the huz is installing a new light fixture in the hall way to the master bath and it just goes on and on and on and on…earphone time! i’m listening to Queen. what are you listening to?

i went to the grocery store, that’s right, i went on a tiny little shopping trip. that’s more than a tiny little victory! not only do i have trouble with having the endurance to go to the store, but i used to go there a long time ago, before i was sick. people i used to know sort of recognize me and try to talk to me. i wish these overly curious people would mind their own business. i keep wanting to say they were only trying to be nice, but they’re not. if you listen to what they say and they tone they say it in, there’s always an undercurrent of feelings of disbelief. when i don’t have my cane, people give me dirty looks when i park in the handicapped spaces (i have a handicapped parking placard).

i fell asleep just then lol. i woke up having typed the letter “a” bizillion times.i haven’t been sleeping with my CPAP mask on, well for one reason my face and mouth have been hurting so much, and also cause i am finally admitting i really really don’t like that damn thing. you have to lay your head on the edge of your pillow so most of your head is sorta sideways on the mattress to keep from having the mask smashed into your face, which makes me panicky and eventually really pissed off that i can’t sleep comfortably. it’s bad enough that the rest of my body hurts, i have to strap that torture device on my face.

my huz is playing the new Zelda now, i’m doing this, and mackie is back in his hidey hole behind my desk. i can’t tell for sure, but i think he brought a bunch of paper back there for a nest. i can hear him back there sounding like he’s nesting. domestic bliss!