anxiety, bipolar, blogging, chronic pain, depression, disabled, fibromyalgia, marijuana, medical marijuana, mental illness, Movies, spinal stenosis

A tin of mini joints! yay mmj!

I went to “my” dispensary, Harborside Health Center, in Oakland, CA this morning and the 45 minute drive from where I live (Fremont) was really easy. Sometimes it’s awful.  I drive up 880N on the east San Francisco Bay area going up to the Bay Bridge to “the City.” The freeway leads to a zillion other places, too.

The drive can be a bitch. I wouldn’t go near it during rush hour! But it can develop big problems at any time. I think all of this is like any other big city and it’s surroundings.

The freeway (what do you call it? Highway? Motorway? Autobahn?) I pretty scary in places there are very narrow lanes, and lots of places that have no shoulder, some epically bad merges, and more trucks than you can shake a stick at! For a long time it terrified me to drive up there. Now I know it inside out. I actually enjoy it. It clears my head. It’s also probably the most exciting place I ever go!

Today I bought a lot of mini joints.

tin of mini joints 2

Big joints or cones or blunts are just too much for me and since it’s medicine, I don’t share it with anyone. nobody wants to light up something you were smoking before and put out. Yuck! I came across these mini joints are perfect for me or anyone wants to smoke a joint by themselves. The cute tin is great for carrying them somewhere else you need to take your medicine. They’re also a really good deal. They’re 1/4g. The tins cost $40 and hold 12 mini joints.

So! Time to talk about movies. Last weekend my huz and I went to see Valerian. The eye candy was gorgeous. It was very creative and the best special effects I’ve seen in a long time. The girl who plays Loreline is Thea from Arrow. That was a surprise. I like her character on Arrow, so I liked her right away. She’s hotter than hot and loves to show it off. I was very surprised that Valerian was male! For some reason I thought he was a girl. Doh!

I’m only talking about surface things because it’s still me and I won’t give you any spoilers.

Atomic Blonde is out now. I adore Charlize Theron and slick action films are hardly deep, but they’re fun to watch. I have a feeling I’ll be going to that alone next week!

This weekend we are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary! One of the things we’re going to do to celebrate is to see Dunkirk. It got great reviews and it’s my very favorite subjects! (I have a b.a. in British history.

Tonight, as a beginning of our celebration, my husband brought me a s’mores sundae. It had real toasted marshmallows on top, they were even kind of burnt, as they should be! We’re going to have a special dinner, but I dunno what. We don’t exchange gifts, he has everything he could ever want, I just got a new phone from my dad, I don’t really need anything. We share the money so what’s the point? We do fun stuff instead!

On the upcoming Tuesday I scheduled 3 doctor’s appointments! Is that mind-blowing or what?? Who has that many doctor’s appointments?? I had to postpone one and I’m going to the other two because they are both psychiatric. I’m seeing my therapist and going to group. The third appointment was in the same department, but it was just getting started with a doctor who runs an acupuncture and meditation group. I can’t wait to start that, though!

I will be seeing my psychiatrist sometime next week, too! Can you tell I’m feeling crazier than crazy? I’m trying to keep myself out of the hospital.

On that jolly note I shall say gooodnight, at least for the moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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diagnosis, disabled, illness, Uncategorized, writing

journey to a diagnosis, part 1

two years ago i started a journey that i’m still on. it began with a pain my  left hip. i went to my GP and she said the problem was bursitis and that my  orthopedic surgeon. should give me a cortisone shot. when i when i went the surgeon she said it wasn’t bursitis and so she wouldn’t give me the shot. i was starting to get frustrated because as it went on, the pain in my leg (it was starting to spread)  was really getting to be a problem in moving around.i started wearing compression bandages on anything that hurt. i still do that. i also wear ankle braces and compression socks. i wear compression gloves for the pain in my hands.

my hands hurt because i had four surgeries on them, some a bit unusual, for i had trigger finger in all ten fingers. highly unusual. the doctor said it was genetic (my father had it in one finger as did his brother and one of his sisters. the other reason is because i’m diabetic. the surgeries were years ago but my hands will never be the same. they swell regulary and hurt like hell. i think the surgeon was  too quick to to do the huge surgeries. but whatcha gonna do? i put ice on them all the time.g

the orthopedic surgeon sent me back to my GP who then said it was sciatica. i almost cried. she then sent me to a pain doctor. i was glad because i thought i knew what it was. was.the GP sent me to a  pain doctor. he told me to have an  MRI to see if anything is going on with my spine. he found that i have spinal stenosis. L4 and L5 were pinching the nerves, which caused the pain in my leg and my low back . my pelvis and hips hurt deep inside. they found that i had arthritis in my pelvis as we in several  parts of my spine, not to mention the severe arthritis that i have in my knees. the knees get synvisk injections 2 times a year. they help a lot.

the pain doctor prescribed medicine that would help. the pain was spreading to my whole body.he gave me a big dose of gabbapentin, cymbalta, a strong NSAID called Sulindac and norco. they helped a lot,  but not nearly enough. he decided a procedure would help. i had an epidural steroid injection in  L5.

the clinic i go to for all my doctor, built a surgery center right next to the clinic. my procedure was only a couple of months after they’d opened. it was lovely! they put me in a room for prepping me for the procedure. the nurses were so nice. there  were three of them fussing over me. it actually  was really nice. i felt well taken care of. after kind of a  long wait they wheeled me into the operating room. i layed on my stomach on the operating table. it was a conscious sedation but you could have fooled me because i was close to being unconscious. they were giving me iv versed and fentanyl. that part  was  great! lol i could feel the doctor giving me little local anesthetic around the area he was going to go in with the needle. i didn’t feel much of anything other than my legs my legs went kind of numb and jumpy. when he finished i was taken to post op where i was given after care   instructions and got dressed. it didn’t help at all.

i’ll going to stop here because it’s a very long story. i meant for these sections of the story into approximately 500 words. i went over quite a bit this time!

stay tuned for the second installment!!

Uncategorized

spending my time wisely?

hellooooo!

i have no idea  where to begin, middle, or end. i guess i’ll just be.

i’ve been cycling through a zillion negative emotions. as soon as i start to write i start to feel fatigue. i’m going to push through it, i think, or at least try.

i haven’t been painting or writing nearly as often as i am used to. i’m not even keeping up the semblance of a journal. i start to write and all i can write about is what i haven’t been doing and that feels like criticism. i’m not nice to myself. self care is something that would help a lot in so many ways, but it doesn’t happen a lot of the time.

what i have been doing is hanging out on twitter, sitting on my couch in my living room, using my tablet, trying to keep myself from sitting around doing absolutely nothing. i’m in an awful lot of pain. it’s especially bad today, but it’s bad everyday. i take my meds and use my heating pad & ice packs. i throw mackie’s toys around for him to chase. he keeps me company, and i try  to keep him amused. he likes to sit on the couch with me, and i love to have him there.

i see my doctor tomorrow. i want to push for other options for treatment. nothing is happening but me carrying on taking pain meds waiting for something to happen.

there are a couple of other procedures i’ve read about that i’m going to see if he thinks might help. i am really going to try to push him to get a little more aggressive about treating me. maybe i said that months ago.

back to what i haven’t been doing.  crying. i think that’s a good thing, i’m not entirely sure. i’m worried that i’m repressing a lot of stuff. OR maybe i’m being strong? i’m trying not to fall apart all the time. i’m trying to feel like i’m trying. i bite back complaints to my husband. i try hard not to keep stepping back and getting dramatically philosophical. 😀

i have made some wonderful new friends on twitter. yay!

my father is moving to the UK permanently. they’re selling their house in wretched St.Louis and are going to live in brighton all the time. i think it’s high time!  i can’t imagine what was in st.louis for them. they were hanging on to friendships i guess, and familiarity. the flat in brighton is a lot more their size than their big house in the states.

it feels so strange to spend most of my time parked downstairs on the couch that peter bought me for our 20th anniversary, just about a year ago.  at that time, and for a couple of years before, i spent all my time in the “red room,” my computer/art room that i share with him. i used my pc all the time, didn’t even want a tablet. i painted a couple times a day. i hardly ever left this room. i’m up here because the cleaning people were here and Sophia made it soooo much nicer. i’m starting to get some twinges i can’t ignore, so i’m going to go back to my couch.

hopefully now that it’s so nice, i can come up, mabye…once a day? to paint or blog, or just enjoy using the pc.

hope you’re all doing well.

😀