anxiety, bipolar, blogging, chronic illness, depression, fibromyalgia, illness, mental illness, spinal stenosis, weightloss

3 reasons for me to feel good today

There are three reasons for me to be in good spirits today. Yay!

It’s National Fried Chicken Day!!I LOVE fried chicken! The second) good news will be ruined unless I only eat a little bit o. But oh I really want plates of it! 

What a bummer that other countries aren’t having national fried chicken day. If anyone hasn’t had American style fried chicken, come have dinner at my house. My husband is frying enough chicken for thousands!

The other news is pretty exciting!

As of this morning I have lost 57 pounds! (26kg)

I’m still losing I don’t have a goal, even though they say you should. if someone asked my advice even *I* would say it was a good idea. Right now I don’t I’m trying to pretend it’s not happening. That can help me do well and to stress less. I really don’t get it. I eat very lightly but I just don’t feel tempted. I don’t think about food most of the time. Maybe my depressive episode is to thank for it. Yay for depression. Ugh.

I want to go in an imaginary world where I can lock myself into my bedroom and have a pillow fight with myself. It would be zero gravity, so almost no pain! I need my beloved soda stream! My dog, water, comicbooks, alllll the pillows and blankets we have,and …LOTS of other stuff!

My huzzy does everything that needs to be done. I’m struggling to stop feeling guilty; last night after dinner I played with my phone while trying not to watch him clean up the dinner *he* cooked.

Everybody who reads my blog a lot (thank you lovely people) knows that I’m disabled. I have fibromyalgia and spinal stenosis, I walk with a cane. I have a lot of chronic pain, so there’s no way I can help with anything. I want to so much. I want to do things, like very simple stuff like putting the dishes in the dishwasher, but I can’t. I can’t stand up very long and bending over is not an option.

I want you to know, fuzzy huzzy, that you are the best husband a girl could have! Our 24th anniversary is at the end of July. Pretty impressive, I think!💞🌹

The huz takes excellent care of me. He’s a fab cook and he really enjoys that. But who enjoys going to the grocery store  and the farmer’s market to, go to the post office and such. Thank goodness we’re able to have a cleaning service come in.

He never complains, he’s never late, he doesn’t neglect things that need be done. He’s not perfect, but he’s the best choice i ever made. 💘💒

It’s hot and i didn’t notice again. Lol it’s 90F (34c)!  Lol!  I think i’m going to walk down the stairs very very carefully! Have a good evening, all.

anxiety, chronic illness, dessert, disabled, fibromyalgia, Japanese food, Movies

going alone

lately i’ve been having fun going to the movies alone. in the past i would have never done that. i would have expected it to make me really anxious. i buy a reserved seat on the aisle (i have to be on the aisle…so i can make a quick get away! lol). it’s a long way to the theaters from the front of the movie plex. i launched myself along to the theater. sometimes i went with the boot on, for my Achilles tendinitis and then i could really move. who would have guessed? 🙂

i like going alone because if the movie is bugging me i can wander around and get a refill on my giant soda, or primp and preen in the bathroom. if i really hate it, i can get up and leave! i don’t do that too often, but i have a few times and it’s fab not to worry about what somebody else wants! the seats at the theater (there’s only one i will go to…it’s close, i know my way around there and there is lots of handicapped parking!) best of all are the seats. they’re like nice recliners, more comfy than my furniture at home. the seats go back and a foot rest comes up. there are cup holders for your giant soda.

today i went out to lunch alone. that was fun too. i had red bean mochi for dessert and my husband wasn’t there to look disapprovingly at me. lol i can take as long as i want and i can look at my phone the whole time, if i feel like it. i don’t have to make conversation, which is sometimes awesome, but today i just didn’t feel like talking. i got there just before the lunch rush, so i got a booth all to myself. i had ramen (real japanese ramen, not the abomination in the plastic wrapper.) they make it with five different broths, you choose one. my favorites are shoyu ramen and miso ramen. it comes with a big piece of pork and a runny egg. i ask them not to give me those. ugh. there are still green onions, weird but tasty mushrooms, fresh corn, lots of noodles and broth. the broth is so go i eat most of that before i even start on the noodles, which are usually my main reason for ordering dishes like this. it was expensive, but entirely worth it. i’m a regular there now! the sushi chef plays bob marley allll the time. i’ve never been in there when he wasn’t playing it. i love that!

i always go to coffee on my own because my huz hates starbucks and only drinks the espresso he makes. i’m not so snooty. right after i get up and get dressed (sometimes i wear my pjs, it’s early) i go to 7-11 and get hazelnut coffee. if they don’t have it brewed, or if it’s been sitting in the container too long, they make me a fresh pot when i ask. i’m really, really a regular there.

there are so many bums around  there, men and women. i’m going to go bankrupt with all the money i give them. i probably shouldn’t, i mean, i don’t especially want those people around, even more so when i first  get up, but my heart goes out to them. i was talking this guy and he told me it had been months since he got to sleep laying down. i imagined that and was horrified. he walks with a cane, too, so i really feel his pain.

everybody is looking for bus fare. ha! they should build a bus stop and right next door, the the cigarette and liquor store, with weed dealers outside next to that. lol. they could have a sign…homeless people with a lot of change welcome here. hahahahah

so, try going places alone, you can make your own choices, independently, doing just what you want! it’s freeing and once you get over feeling weird about it, you’ll really like it, but i don’t thing many people would want to go *everywhere* alone. i sure wouldn’t. but it’s fun when your looking for freedom.

chronic illness folks, you can take as much time as you need to with out worrying about someone else wanting to go faster. you can stop and rest, you can decide it’s too much and just go home. having a handicapped placard makes it soooo much easier! i know some of you just can’t go and i’m sorry about that. i hope this post doesn’t make you feel bad!

have an awesome wednesday!!! ❤

 

anxiety, chronic illness, chronic pain, disabled, fatigue, illness

treating disabled people with kindness, a post you should read

i read this post by The Invisible Jewlz and was really touched. i’ve been in similar situations and had the same feelings she did. if you have any interest in finding out what it’s like for people with chronic illnesses like fibromyalgia, read this!

 

To the Man Behind Me in the Express Lane at the Grocery Store, Today I decided to push myself. I ran to the store for some plain rice crackers that are easy on my stomach, since I’ve been having several bad IBS/gastritis flares. Gripping the shopping cart handles out of pure anxiety from how unwell […]

via To the Man Behind Me in the Express Lane at the Grocery Store- — The Invisible Jewlz

abstract, abstractexpressiomism, anxiety, art, artist, chronic pain, disabled, Life, painting, stress relief, Uncategorized

damn that app!

there are so many posts i would have written if i’d been using my computer (like i am now) rather than the app on my phone or tablet. obviously there’s the typing issue. i can type pretty quickly on a real keyboard, but on a touch pad… it’s the same for everyone. more than that though, there are so many things that are broken or simply never worked in the first place, it’s extremely difficult to navigate and about as opaque as can be.

i usually am in bed or on the couch because of my fibromyalgia and spine problems. i’ve written some about some of that, but nothing about the fibro and nothing about the illnesses at all in months. a lot of things happened and i learned things, am still learning things, and finding way to deal with my new-ish (it’s been leading up to here for about 2 years)issues. that’s mainly what i wanted to talk about over these months, but i couldn’t face typing all that out on a touch keyboard. being in places like bed that are so unstructured, even with a lap desk, and a bluetooth keyboard, really doesn’t work for me. i’ve tried just about everything.  nothing compares to a PC at a big desk and a good desk chair. i’ve got that, and i’m lucky, i know.

i haven’t used this desk first because my pain was such that being on the couch was the most comfortable place to be for a very long time. the main things i do are internet, art, and sleep (and complain). i moved all my art stuff and general desk stuff downstairs (and there is a LOT of it) downstairs. i was living down there almost entirely.

i came upstairs, these last few weeks, but i have to be in bed most of the time, the pain is bad enough that even the couch is too painful to be on for long. the bed and this desk are upstairs. so i spend most of my time in bed, during bad spots, like what most of the days have been like, lately. since the computer room, where i am now (aka the red room…yes, the walls are painted dark red….)

workspace_2013_by_crazyruthie

{as i was writing i remembered this photo. that’s what it was like in 2013 before all this pain started.}

…..is on the same floor as the bedroom i come in here to do computer things or draw or just sit in the desk chair which, i forgot, has a special lumbar support feature, so it makes my back quite happy.

i’m veering off topic, not that i was on topic before, cause the only topic was supposed to be about why i hated the app and i finished that up in the first paragraph. i just kept going! and so i guess i can say anything! i’m not very good at doing things in order.

so back to where i work, spend my time, get whatever or nothing done, etc.

this is where i work now looks like..

 

{aren’t those circles hilarious?}

basically i’m using half the dining room table. i clear it all off sometimes, like the top pic or stick everything in one corner and try to take up as little room as possible, like the bottom pic. (those are my japanese watercolors, i wrote most of a post about them a couple months ago. if you want to read about them i’ll  show you.)

you want to see more workspace photos, you say? no problem, i answer!

 

i have an appointment with my new dentist today. i wasn’t going to see him until 2017 because i used up all our dental insurance for the year with 2 root canals at $1500 a pop. one of the temporary crowns got damaged and it didn’t hurt, so i was going to wait to get  it fixed. well, now it hurts and i’m not doing thanksgiving without being able to chew properly! i had a big disaster at my last dentist, they couldn’t understand my new, disabled person, needs and so i got mad and found a new dentist! so, i’ll be meeting him in 2.5 hours. i’m scared to death cause i have no idea what it will be like there, but it’s a big practice and i have a feeling they’ll be a lot more professional and they’ll have a much more modern office. still…  i’m also really worried about how much i’m hurting now, because it’s very hard just to get around the house. boy oh boy i better not get lost!!!!!!!

bye for now!

chronic pain, disabled, Uncategorized

thanks dad!

when I first had to get a cane, i hated the idea. I got a cheap aluminum cane from Walgreens. I got used to walking with it, and didn’t hate it so much. people stared and made s huge big deal about opening doors for me whenever I’m using it. getting accustomed  to it.

my father had an awesome idea. he said. use it like an accessory! get a cane you can be proud of! so. for chirstmas he got me a beautiful cane made of Padauk wood.
yay dad! it’s sturdier. beautiful. and is so smooth to the touch.

wp-1453212286373.jpg

…and, good news, my new handicapped parking placard came in the mail yesterday! my old one expired a few days ago.shwew! this one is for 6 months. the old one was only for 3.

having the placard allows my to go places I couldn’t go without it!

yay! 😀💜

Uncategorized

i’m going to be doing more writing!

because of the pain from spinal stenosis, i can’t sit in an upright chair (aka desk chair, etc.) for very long. it’s getting insanely boring, sitting on the couch, being online and reading comic books. those things are fun, but it hardly fills your life. i doodle and write in a moleskeine journal, i write letters, play with my dog. just not enough.

i love creating art, but i can only do it for little bits at a time. that’s pretty frustrating! in order to fill in the gaps, i’ve decided to do more writing, hopefully a lot more. i’d like to do more blogging, writing anecdotes about interesting parts of my life, writing fiction, or poetry, or  essays, or journal entries, who knows what all else! i’ve always loved writing and i think i’m pretty good at it.

how do i work this logistically, from the couch? i have a good tablet, so i don’t really need a laptop. i’m going to get an adapter so that my blue tooth tablet can be used with a usb keyboard. i found a good lap desk on amazon. i’m going to set up the tablet, with the real keyboard and the lap desk has some nice deep grooves for pens and pencils and one for your phone. i think it will allow me to write comfortably and type quickly. i’m not a thumb typer, but i’m a good typist on a regular keyboard.

it took me so long to figure out how to publish a blog entry from the mobile app. i finally realized i was going about it all wrong and now i have it sorted out. so, i’m all set to write, or at least i will be when i order all this stuff. it’s going to be expensive, but i think it’s worth it.

hopefully you’ll be seeing a lot more, longer, posts soon!

side note…

i’m on deviant art as crazyruthie.deviantart.com

@verycrazyruthie on twitter

and @verycrazyruthie on instagram

my email is very.crazy.ruthie@gmail.com

i’ll continue to post art, some of it will be older work because i won’t be creating art as quickly as i have done in the past, but there will be new stuff on a regular basis.

feel free to stalk me or get in touch with me. 🙂

some of my paintings are for sale, just ask if you’re interested. i can do commissions, but they must be in my personal style.

bye bye! lots of love! 🙂 ❤