new technique practice

new technique test

this monstrosity is another ultra-detailed drawing in my moleskeine journal (anybody wanna buy a journal with several epic drawings and some ravings of a mad woman?? lol).

i don’t like this and the only reason i’m posting it is because my husband told me i had to, considering how long i spent on it. hehe

the problem is that this happened from a little doodle i didn’t expect anything from. the composition is crap because i didn’t plan it from the start. the colors are nice, the detail is pretty impressive, but it’s just a mess of squiggles to boggle the eyes.

there is no optical illusion or eye candy. the longer i drew, the more i could see that i could have made it work, but didn’t.

i’ve been mulling over some really tough stuff from my past recently. i think it’s memories i need to examine, but i don’t want to and i don’t like it. i have to come to terms with some facts of life and move past them. i’m clinging to past traumas. of course they never go away entirely, but after a couple decades of talk therapy i’ve figured out that some things have to be dragged out of the shadows and explored to everĀ be able to leaveĀ them in the past. i’ve succeed with that idea on several things.

this one hurts like hell but i’ll never heal if i don’t tackle this issue. after having a disturbing talk with my dad i started this drawing. all the time i was drawing this i was thinking about it all, intensely. working on the tiny details allowed me to do something that became almost muscle memory since i’d been doing them so long. i drew and i could focus on thinking.

i worked somethings out and when the drawing was finished i could set it aside temporarily so as not to be overwhelmed by emotional turmoil and was left with a very haphazard drawing.

i don’t think of it as a waste of time, i think it let me doing some growing without the fear and anxiety that usually takes over and keep that from happening. i like that i did it in my journal. it seems more like a journal entry than a piece of art.

i don’t know where i’ll go from here. i might start another tricky drawing to work on for hours, just for the therapy. it makes me feel good to see the journal get fat with pages of squirmy detail.