Life, Uncategorized

complaining

i’ve been wanting to write all day but my head is in a weird place and i know i can’t organize my thoughts, i can’t come up with an  interesting subject and i probably can’t write very well tonight.

so, i’m just going to have a brain dump. i dump everything that’s on my mind and you can read it if you want to. and you always have the option to like or comment. you totally don’t have to.

i made an alcohol ink painting today, 2 in fact. this time i wore gloves so the ink wouldn’t stain my fingers  and ruin my manicure! one of the paintings was utterly  boring, looked like there were  only three colors, just sitting there, not interacting with each other. the other i worked on was bigger and it just turned out shit. i’m certainly letting you know i’m feeling grumpy!  OMG I CANNOT TYPE

the huz is installing a new light fixture in the hall way to the master bath and it just goes on and on and on and on…earphone time! i’m listening to Queen. what are you listening to?

i went to the grocery store, that’s right, i went on a tiny little shopping trip. that’s more than a tiny little victory! not only do i have trouble with having the endurance to go to the store, but i used to go there a long time ago, before i was sick. people i used to know sort of recognize me and try to talk to me. i wish these overly curious people would mind their own business. i keep wanting to say they were only trying to be nice, but they’re not. if you listen to what they say and they tone they say it in, there’s always an undercurrent of feelings of disbelief. when i don’t have my cane, people give me dirty looks when i park in the handicapped spaces (i have a handicapped parking placard).

i fell asleep just then lol. i woke up having typed the letter “a” bizillion times.i haven’t been sleeping with my CPAP mask on, well for one reason my face and mouth have been hurting so much, and also cause i am finally admitting i really really don’t like that damn thing. you have to lay your head on the edge of your pillow so most of your head is sorta sideways on the mattress to keep from having the mask smashed into your face, which makes me panicky and eventually really pissed off that i can’t sleep comfortably. it’s bad enough that the rest of my body hurts, i have to strap that torture device on my face.

my huz is playing the new Zelda now, i’m doing this, and mackie is back in his hidey hole behind my desk. i can’t tell for sure, but i think he brought a bunch of paper back there for a nest. i can hear him back there sounding like he’s nesting. domestic bliss!

 

driving, glasses, optometrist

teeth and eyes

good morning! it’s still my morning here in Pacific time.

i get to go to the dentist, woo woo, this afternoon! this is my fifth visit for dental work this year! that doesn’t even include the cleaning. i let my teeth get into a terrible state. i decided it was time to fix everything. after this appointment and one after that i will have exhausted the  insurance for the year.  i have more work to be done, like i want my front teeth capped, i broke a couple bits out of my front teeth that have fillings in them that are not a very nice color since they’re so old. i just want them both fixed. i also have a tooth missing because i had to have it pulled a couple of years ago.i want a healthy mouth with a pretty  smile. i’ve been smiling with my mouth shut for years.  Dr. Mark is a really nice dentist and we crack each other up. he’s soooooo much better than my old dentist.

i’m getting new glasses with a new prescription. my glasses are so far off from what i need i’ve been thinking that i’m going blind or getting glaucoma or something.  i was scared and so i didn’t go to the eye doctor for ages. i went over the weekend and the only thing that was wrong was that my prescription was dramatically different! yay! i’m not crazy (well, i am, and i don’t mind being called that, but in this case i mean, i wasn’t wrong about needing a new prescription) and  soon it will be fixed! i’ve completely given up driving at night. after about 5:30 i have to be sure not to drive. what a royal pain in the ass!

i’m getting my glasses from WarbyParker, and online glasses store. they let you pick five frames you like, send them to you to try on. you pick one, if you like any of them and order it. you need to get a prescription from an eye exam. you just take a picture of the prescription and they make your glasses. they’re so cheap that i’m going to get sunglasses too. i lost mine and they had that ancient horrible prescription anyway. all that mailing back and forth is free. it was  $95 for frames and lenses! for goodness sake, don’t buy your glasses at the glasses store. i used to have to pay $300 on top of what the insurance paid! buy your glasses online! these are the ones i chose…

New glasses demo's

what do you think?

have yourself a jolly good monday! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

batman, bipolar, chronic illness, dentist, diabetes, drugs, insulin, medicine

daily drugs

the pills are morning, noon, and night. i can swallow each line of pills at once. 😀 the big bottle is prescription mouth wash that i’m using to help my gums while i go through this insane amount of dental work i’m having done. i’m fixing all the urgent/necessary work done in a couple of months. i’m so bipolar!  i went years without taking care of them and now i want to get EVERYTHING done at once.

the gray thing is an insulin pen, with a fresh needle next to it. you unwrap the needle and screw it onto the pen. you dial up how many units you want and give yourself the injection. it’s so much easier that having to take the insulin out of a vial with a syringe everytime.

the Batman band aid is for a cut on my toe. lol all that stuff is sitting on my old painting table, hence the huge mess!

 

daily drugs

abstract, abstractexpressiomism, art, artist, comics, drawing, fine art

today is the next day of my dental journey. for many years i didn’t take care of my teeth, i mean really didn’t take care of them. a lot of the time i didn’t even brush them, flossing was out of the question. i had a dentist i really didn’t like so i rarely went.

the last time i went to that dentist that they left me sitting in the chair for half an hour. my fibro and spine were super painful and all i could see ahead of me was more laying on my back with more waiting. i tried to ex plain but they totally didn’t get it, or maybe they didn’t care? i walked out and they made a huge fuss, followed me out the door and tried to talk to me asking what was wrong. i told them what was wrong was what i told 4 people already with no response. obviously they weren’t trying. the manager kept asking questions and i just said, and i really did say this, go away and leave me alone. that did the trick.

i knew i needed a lot of work done, but i didn’t want it at that office.  i found a dentist that i like much much better. i’m already getting to know my dentist. he’s done work on me         5x already. i’m having a crown today and i’m hoping he will put on some permanent crowns now, i need 3. i have so much work to do. 5 cavities. and that’s easy part! i guess this is my punishment for all those years of slacking. i’m brushing now, but i am quite sure i’m not ever going to be flossing. also i have a prescription mouthwash to use to heal the gums. it stings in my mouths when i swish it around.  i can’t eat or drink for half an hour after i take it.

i’m enthusiastic about getting all this done. it’s just when it’s an hours before the appointment, i get nervous and tend to have a panic attack. i have had twice  this morning. my appointment is at noon, just two hours. i wish these appointments were earlier, so i wouldn’t have to wait  so long. i got up at4 am because it was on my mind. i figured, fuck it, and got up.

i finished up a comic i was reading  called Monstress.  it was a good plot, leaving you wishing for lots more and the art was divine. i’m sure i’ll be reading it again.

i’ll give you a piece of art to reward you for reading this!  lol

i hope you are having a good day! tell me about your day!

-ruthie

(this is oil pastels on textured paper)

twin-whirlpools

abstract, abstractexpressiomism, anxiety, art, artist, chronic pain, disabled, Life, painting, stress relief, Uncategorized

damn that app!

there are so many posts i would have written if i’d been using my computer (like i am now) rather than the app on my phone or tablet. obviously there’s the typing issue. i can type pretty quickly on a real keyboard, but on a touch pad… it’s the same for everyone. more than that though, there are so many things that are broken or simply never worked in the first place, it’s extremely difficult to navigate and about as opaque as can be.

i usually am in bed or on the couch because of my fibromyalgia and spine problems. i’ve written some about some of that, but nothing about the fibro and nothing about the illnesses at all in months. a lot of things happened and i learned things, am still learning things, and finding way to deal with my new-ish (it’s been leading up to here for about 2 years)issues. that’s mainly what i wanted to talk about over these months, but i couldn’t face typing all that out on a touch keyboard. being in places like bed that are so unstructured, even with a lap desk, and a bluetooth keyboard, really doesn’t work for me. i’ve tried just about everything.  nothing compares to a PC at a big desk and a good desk chair. i’ve got that, and i’m lucky, i know.

i haven’t used this desk first because my pain was such that being on the couch was the most comfortable place to be for a very long time. the main things i do are internet, art, and sleep (and complain). i moved all my art stuff and general desk stuff downstairs (and there is a LOT of it) downstairs. i was living down there almost entirely.

i came upstairs, these last few weeks, but i have to be in bed most of the time, the pain is bad enough that even the couch is too painful to be on for long. the bed and this desk are upstairs. so i spend most of my time in bed, during bad spots, like what most of the days have been like, lately. since the computer room, where i am now (aka the red room…yes, the walls are painted dark red….)

workspace_2013_by_crazyruthie

{as i was writing i remembered this photo. that’s what it was like in 2013 before all this pain started.}

…..is on the same floor as the bedroom i come in here to do computer things or draw or just sit in the desk chair which, i forgot, has a special lumbar support feature, so it makes my back quite happy.

i’m veering off topic, not that i was on topic before, cause the only topic was supposed to be about why i hated the app and i finished that up in the first paragraph. i just kept going! and so i guess i can say anything! i’m not very good at doing things in order.

so back to where i work, spend my time, get whatever or nothing done, etc.

this is where i work now looks like..

 

{aren’t those circles hilarious?}

basically i’m using half the dining room table. i clear it all off sometimes, like the top pic or stick everything in one corner and try to take up as little room as possible, like the bottom pic. (those are my japanese watercolors, i wrote most of a post about them a couple months ago. if you want to read about them i’ll  show you.)

you want to see more workspace photos, you say? no problem, i answer!

 

i have an appointment with my new dentist today. i wasn’t going to see him until 2017 because i used up all our dental insurance for the year with 2 root canals at $1500 a pop. one of the temporary crowns got damaged and it didn’t hurt, so i was going to wait to get  it fixed. well, now it hurts and i’m not doing thanksgiving without being able to chew properly! i had a big disaster at my last dentist, they couldn’t understand my new, disabled person, needs and so i got mad and found a new dentist! so, i’ll be meeting him in 2.5 hours. i’m scared to death cause i have no idea what it will be like there, but it’s a big practice and i have a feeling they’ll be a lot more professional and they’ll have a much more modern office. still…  i’m also really worried about how much i’m hurting now, because it’s very hard just to get around the house. boy oh boy i better not get lost!!!!!!!

bye for now!

Uncategorized

me and my pain are going to the dentist!

i’m afraid there won’t be any art discussions today.

i’m feeling really really bad and i need to write or something before i freak out.

the pain from my pinched nerve is really bad, maybe an 8. that’s bad enough, but i have to go to the dentist in about 2 hours. i’ve been wrestling in my mind, should i call them and bail, or should i just bail, or should i force myself to go cause it could be a high pain day anytime i was supposed to go to the dentist. i’m going to try to be a dental bad ass.

i’ve been sitting here all day, on the couch, with mackie and art stuff, comic books, my tablet, my music and i’m still on the verge of losing it. what will it be like when i have to sit in the same position for 20 or 30 minutes?? i don’t want to cry. i’ve cried there before and i do not want a repeat performance.

it’s really hot outside, something in the 90s. that will make it worse. going out into the heat makes me really panicky. i haven’t gotten my handicapped parking placard in the mail from the DMV yet, so i’ll have to park and walk. it’s not far to a healthy person, but for me, it’s going to be tiring and stressful.

i don’t want to leave home. there are so many things outside my house that i don’t want anything to do with! the pain in my legs and butt and hips is like electricity. and lots of other things like pressure and heat.

fatigue is getting me down.

i don’t know what to do with myself. all i can think of is the time ticking away until i have to leave to get there. i tell myself that i can have a treat after, but i imagine i’ll be so worn out and stressed that ill just want to collapse at home.

isn’t being at home a wonderful thing?

i need ice packs STAT.

Uncategorized

complaining updates! health going downhill

ok, so. i’ve got the sciatica is kicking my ass. still taking a variety of pain meds, still spending most of my time in bed or on the couch. i haven’t been making much art recently. i feel like i gave up on the big drawing. it’s still on the table and the supplies  are still there. maybe when/if i feel better or if i get so sick of laying on the couch that the pain of sitting in a chair is worth breaking the negative thoughts and self pity.

i’ve discovered the world of comic books/graphic novels. i’m reading mostly batman series and some suicide squad and neil gaimen. my husband says i’m turning into a middle aged nerd. doh! i’m really enjoying them. the art in the batman series i’m reading/looking at over and over, is fantastic. they’ve got composition way beyond anything i could ever do. they use a  lot of negative space, which i love. some are almost b&w  while others have the  colors of lowered pick up truck’s air brushing paintings. lol
this series has all the same artists and writer. pretty fab.check it out!

http://www.amazon.com/Batman-Vol-Court-Owls-New/dp/1401235425/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1431634409&sr=1-2&keywords=batman+comics

on monday i had a toothache that my dentist referred me to an oral surgeon about. there was a weird blister on my gum, that my dentist lanced. they gave me antibiotics. the surgeon said that, for various reasons, the bad tooth had to come out! i was terrified, i’d never had a tooth pulled. they promised me that it was super easy, only took 2-5 minutes! that chilled me out a little bit. it was the second worst dental experience i’ve had. they had to drill it into little pieces and wrench them out of my jaw. the dentist kept pinching my lips by holding his tools in places where my lips  were pressed against my teeth. i kept having to stop him for it. ugh. i now have a  giant hole in my mouth. he gave me painkillers and that was that. i managed not to cry until i got to my car.

tomorrow i have another procedure. i’m getting epidural injections  of cortisone in two spots on my spine. they use “conscious sedation,” twilight i think it’s usually called. it’s in a surgery center and i have to fast etc.  etc.  so i guess it’s pretty much a surgery. second one for 2015! it’s supposed to bring down the swelling in my spine, from those bulging discs. that will make it much less painful. it’s awesome for some people and doesn’t help at for others. i’ve had great responses to cortisone injections in my knees and hands. wish me luck! i really hope this will bring a bit of relief. it’s not a cure, but should help with the symptoms.