birthday cards and cookies

yay! i finally have a new painting to share with you! i painted it this morning before all the doctor’s appointments.

i’m quite happy with it. it’s going to be a birthday card for my sister in law. 🙂

watercolors on a watercolor postcard….

birthday card for suzy

i wanted to “share” the cookies i got to console myself, with sheldon and anybody else who needs a cookie!



bursitis or worse?

today is not going to be a good day. that’s a terrible way to start off the day, it’s a terrible way to approach anything. i’m feeling depressed and scared, though, so it seems like i’m beaten before i even wake up. getting out of bed is awful. when i put my feet touch the floor the pain starts. when i put my weight on them my caves hurt so bad that i have to grab the wall not to fall down. when i take a step my hip hurts so much i can hardly start walking. bending while getting dress is horrible. reaching down to tie my shoes hurts. sitting in a chair hurts.

you get the point. i made another doctor’s appointment for today. it doesn’t seem like bursitis could cause this kind of pain. the painkillers help, but they don’t make me feel like i can stand the pain. i’m scared. i have to hear what a doctor has to say. i don’t know if this has any basis in reality, but my first thought is rheumatoid arthritis. i had a good friend who had it and her pain was at this level all the damn time!

i painted something decent today, i think. it will be dry pretty soon and you can all see for yourselves. 🙂

if time permits, i’m going to make a card for my sister in law. her birthday is this weekend. she has aspergers and is very low functioning. she’s also a paranoid schizophrenic. i don’t have much contact with my inlaws and my husband really doesn’t like being around his dad.  she’s  sweet, but is the kind of person that makes others feel nervous around; she acts very differently from the social norm. she always sends birthday cards and tiny christmas gifts. we usually forget her until after her birthday. sometimes we send her amazon gift cards.

this year i decided she deserves more, more effort and more love. i’m painting some watercolor backgrounds to draw on for her. i did a few , so we’ll see.  i have a lot of gel pens, metallics and iridescent, wild colors, etc.  i think she’d really appreciate something drawn with those. i also bought some neon envelopes and i’ve got some rubber stamps. i’m going to make her something she’ll really like, and see that i put time in on it. yay!

i have to see my psychiatrist today, too. that’s not such a big deal, i guess. i don’t want to go, but who does? that’s at 11:30 and the appointment with the other doctor is 1pm. fun fun. luckily they’re in the same clinic.  wish me luck!


a bipolar weekend

i’ve had the kind of weekend that makes me feel especially bipolar!

andrew took the day off on friday so we could hang out. we watched a marathon of Archer. i got super stoned and laughed until it hurt and i felt dumb. lol! then i started to feel like i was missing life because of all the things that keep me from doing all the things i want to.  it’s just a huge list of things that provoke anxiety and fear. bleh.

it was my birthday on saturday. andrew made me chewy chocolate and macadamia nut cookies! i refuse to divulge how many i ate! i got lots of birthday wishes online, yay! i bought myself some luxurious stationery as a birthday gift. i want to use my dip pens to make epic letters, dunno who i’ll send ’em to, but we’ll see. i just had to have it!

when i logged on today i saw that one of the photographs in my neighborhood series was made a “Daily Deviation” or DD on deviantart. it’s a pretty big deal. there are a lot of categories and they choose something from each category to put on the front page each day and it gets a lot of attention. this was my first, although i had one in another account. it’s hard to describe, kinda like an honor.

i was floored, especially because it was photography. i’m a painter! i’m glad my project is being recognized though!

this is the photo they chose…


it’s been raining and chilly. my bursitis and my arthritis are very unhappy. i spent a long time on the couch today. standing hurts but sitting upright hurts even more. i have to be laying down mostly. so many things i want to do. (i think i sound a bit manic!) it’s frustrating.

i’ve been working on another of those super detailed drawings. i was getting very close to being finished and then the ultra fine sharpie that i was using broke. the nib snapped right off. strange! it was the only one of that color i had. i went to a few places to get another set, just to get that one color, i HAD to finish it! all you people with OCD will  understand that. 🙂 everything was closed really early for easter. i’m there, tomorrow i’ll be there!

i started a new journal today. don’t know what to think about that.

i had a lot of down points today, too. my moods were swinging pretty quickly. as i say, i “fell off a cliff…” several times. i kept trying to tell myself it wasn’t ok to get upset during my birthday weekend. andrew and i have a little pact about that. certain times are off limits for freak outs. it usually   works pretty well. the anxiety was powerful today.

i had a really hard time keeping track of time this weekend. i always thought it was later or earlier than it was. i did some really nice cuddling with mackie on the sofa. he’sssssssssss sooooooooo cute!

so sleepy right now, but i’m gonna fight it cause i really DO not want to have trouble sleeping tonight!

i don’t really know what to do with myself. damn i wish i had that marker!

so slllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy