Life, Rock'n'Roll, weightloss

Rock’n’Roll t-shirts

As I”ve mentioned before, I lost more than 50 pounds (23kg) over the past year and I’m still going!

This feels like daja vu because I did the same thing a few years ago. I lost more than I have now, but on the way down I got to the size I am at the moment. It was very exciting! It is again.

The first time  I lost a lot of weight, (I gained it all back; I thought my heart was going to break.) I really needed some shirts that didn’t fit me like a tent. Plus, I wanted to show off my achievement in clothes that fit.

My dear ol’ dad was so proud of me, he gave me money to buy some new clothes. I needed shirts, mostly. I had jeans that I bought previously that pretty much fit me.

I love Rock’n’Roll and I always wanted RnR t-shirts but until I started shopping on eBay where you can get just about any size, I was out of luck. My big self wouldn’t fit into any of those kind of shirts I could find.

Then I got to this size and suddenly the world of rock shirts was open to me! When I’d spent all the money I had more than 15 new shirts. Some we’re vintage but most were new.

Some examples: a couple of U2 shirts, Jim Morrison, the Velvet Under Ground, a couple Bowie shirts, the Police, Dead Can Dance, Garbage, Pink Floyd, the Clash, the Pogues, etc!

Now, instead of having to buy new shirts, I can fit into (most) of these shirts!

Thanks Dad and thanks me

art, bipolar, blogging, chronic illness, chronic pain, depression, fibromyalgia, health, Life, Movies, watercolors, weightloss

spontaneous blog post

I’m laying on the couch all propped up with pillows with a heating pad behind me. I took an mmj edible and a prescription NSAID.

My back is a bitch. My spine problems are acting up. I can just hear L4 and L5 screaming. Sometimes it’s like needles poking inside or sometimes an intense ache or a feeling of extreme tightness or it can be something that feels like a great deal of pressure.  It occurs to me that I should check out things specifically for lumbar support.

Low back pain is the most common medical ailment. That’s what a doctor told me when I saw him a few years ago, for….low back pain. He told me to take Ibuprofen. If he had paid a little more attention, maybe he would have been able to see that I needed more than to just take Ibuprofen. I’m sure he was right about his statistic, but he never even asked questions about my pain or any specifics. Doctors probably see a few people a day who say they have low back pain. I can see how they have an automatic answer for the problem, but that doesn’t keep me from feeling some measure of bitterness

I got the feeling that he thought all the low back potential patients were drug seekers. I have to admit that I would have been glad if he had given me painkillers but that’s not why I went to see him and I didn’t ask for them.

ANYWAY, lol, I didn’t go to the movies this week because there was nothing to see. I was very disappointed; I love going to the movies, it’s such a treat! Maybe if I have a couple of weeks (there’s nothing good showing this week either) without going, it will keep it a treat. Wow, though–July and August are going to be fab movie months!

Netflix has become a really close friend. I think most chronically ill people would agree. I’ve been having a fibromyagia flare, a spinal stenosis flare, and my newly coined term, a depression flare. So I’ve been watching anything that seems mildly interesting.

I was able to keep creating through everything. That’s a sanity saver. I painted every day! Lately I am using my Japanese watercolors on watercolor paper. For the last two years when I painted with watercolors, which was a lot, I used Yupo, a synthetic paper that isn’t pourous.

I need to start working in my watercolor journal with watercolor pens again. It turned out that I liked the first set of those pens, which I bought spontaneously when I was in the art store for some paint, enough to get another set a couple of weeks ago. I’m going to finish this watercolor journal and get another. I like making these as epic gifts or to sell.

I’m on a plateau in my weightloss journey. I’m mostly 57 pounds (26kg) down but right now I’m going up a pound or two and down a pound or two. I’m eating sparsely to try to getting back to losing weight. Basically I’m maintaining my weight which is enough for me to feel ok, in the short term.

Saying how much I have lost and that there is more to go, is really really hard because saying that shows that I was pretty damn big and I’m not small in the least now. I’ve never said that on the interwebz before.

That’s enough for now.
Happy weekend!

art, bipolar, blogging, chronic illness, comics, depression, Life, texture

My week.

I was very depressed yesterday because of Chris Cornell’s death. I still can’t listen to Soundgarden or Audioslave, I’m afraid it would upset me more than i”‘m willing to go through right now.

My own depression is bad, my pain is difficult and I have something new to be afraid of. It”s a procedure that is going to be very painful.

I’ve been reading comic books like crazy! I found trade paperbacks aka graphic novels, aka comic books that are collections of quite a few single issues collected in one volume used which are half off the price listed on the book. Comic books are really expensive, so it”s a great find. They have a good selection of older Batman books.

I can”t wait for the Wonder Woman movie to come out and The Defenders on Netflix!
I enjoyed seeing whatever that King Arthur movie is called. I enjoyed it because Charlie Hunnam was the star. I have a big crush on him, from watching 7 seasons of Sons of Anarchy. The plot was all over the place, i didn’t relate or sympathize with any one, there was no character development, and even though it was fantasy, it still seemed like it was wildly unbelievable (not in a good way!).

I am trying to ignore what’s going on in my country. I live in a little bubble . Trump is ruining everything. Photos of him make me sick. So I tune it all out. I like to stay up late and close up everything…all the curtains and blinds. paranoid, maybe. Great need for privacy.

My neighbor complained about my dog’s barking. I don’t blame him, it’s a pain in the ass! I have to figure out how to shut the dog up!

I painted yesterday and today. It felt good,

I hope you have a creative weekend!

anxiety, insomnia, Life, writing

another post from the past,1/15/15

we were in amsterdam, arriving 6am. the hotel wouldn’t let us leave our luggage before 3pm. our luggage needed a hotel. our luggage couldn’t get a hotel, so we had to drag it around with us. drag drag drag a dead weight.

when we were in edinburgh we saw a japanese man pull another man in a chair, with his balls.his friend put milk in his mouth and made it come out of his tear ducts. they were the Tokyo Shock Boys. shocking indeed.

not only that. i did other things in secret. identity theft, i think someone stole my identity. i don’t really want it back. my back is incredibly itchy, could it be the poison ivy i’ve be spending my nights in? i thought i wasn’t allergic. they laughed when i told them her breed. they didn’t think it was true.

what do we know is true? nothing. no question there, just questions everywhere. i hum tunes when i’m thinking and when i’m freaking out not anywhere, no i won’t go. not the police again. but then, they might have been security guards for all i know. i’ll never know. i don’t want to know.

anxiety, bipolar, disabled, feelings, fibromyalgia, Life, medicine

snapshot

i usually get coffee, about 7:30. i get my coffee at 7-11. i can make better coffee at home, but i like getting up and going somewhere. the guy working smiled and greeted me, and i him. he knows i like the hazelnut coffee, so if it’s gone or not fresh he’ll make a pot for me as soon as he sees me. 🙂 so the coffee is always really hot and fresh. sometimes, ok, i’ll admit it, most of the the i get a donut, a chocolate long, bar shaped one. it has custard inside. ahhhhh…when i’m feeling strong about losing weight i don’t get a donut. yesterday and today i didn’t get one, yay! i sit in my car and eat my donut, drink my coffee and drive around or go  to a store and buy something under a dollar.

i never want to be around the house when people are getting ready. it makes me wonder what it would  be like to be able to take a shower everyday.it makes me wonder what it would be like to look nice with my hair looking nice and jewelry on. it makes me want to be able to socialize with my co-workers and enjoy it.i’d love to have NO MEDICINE to take before, during, and after work.

i have a lot of things most people with jobs never have, good things. not working, can be as much a bad thing  as a good. you enjoy it for about the first six months and then you start to feel bored and useless. and you have to accept you’ll never work again. i was politely asked to go on disability. that was in 2000. gaaaaaaaaaaaaah i expected to be successful, not shuffled out the door. i felt like i was fired. i never dreamed that it could happen to me.

as i was saying i was there are bad things about working and i miss having to  have something to do with my life, but c’mon, i get up when i  feel like it, at least by the time my huz gets up when his alarm goes off. that’s at 8. when i worked we had to be there and bright and shiny, between  5:00am and 7:00am, depending on the schedule.i’ll never miss that job, except for the stock, but that’s an entirely different story.

now i  only have appointments like taking my dog to get his claws clipped, or for  my manicure, very very low stress.i don’t have to have short lunches where i run around and try to get errands done.i don’t have to deal with rush hour. i have a dog that’s getting older and i can take him out every two hours, i can’t imagine the poor thing shut out on our balcony having  having to wait desperately for 8-9 hours. he wouldn’t get enough  play or exercise.

weekends still excite me! i think TGIF! or have a good weekend or it’s gonna be great to have some time off. all my time is free time. the huz is home on the weekend.and i’m really glad about that!

mind you, that’s all great but i’m chronically ill. the only time i leave the house is that trip for coffee. i’m in pain, i have limited mobility, fatigue,  on and on.

so maybe i should say, i wish i had somewhere to go in the morning, to have a point to my day and be able to do a good job. but all that hinges on my being healthy. and i’m not.

but i try to make the best of it. i still do thing  things as though i was getting ready. but on fresh clothes, brush my hair or and do zillion things to my face, make sure my nails are ok; put on psoriasis cream, put lotion on my legs and feet. and then i have to carefully clean up after myself because we share the master bathroom double sinks and the huz is a nazi about that counter. it has to be completely bare except for our electric toothbrushes and some hand soap. i had to fight just to get the hand soap on there, too. jeez.

so, it’s complicated, and i think i won’t think about it anymore! Shame on you fibromyalgia, spinal stenosis, and diabetes. there is nothing good about any of you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life, Uncategorized

complaining

i’ve been wanting to write all day but my head is in a weird place and i know i can’t organize my thoughts, i can’t come up with an  interesting subject and i probably can’t write very well tonight.

so, i’m just going to have a brain dump. i dump everything that’s on my mind and you can read it if you want to. and you always have the option to like or comment. you totally don’t have to.

i made an alcohol ink painting today, 2 in fact. this time i wore gloves so the ink wouldn’t stain my fingers  and ruin my manicure! one of the paintings was utterly  boring, looked like there were  only three colors, just sitting there, not interacting with each other. the other i worked on was bigger and it just turned out shit. i’m certainly letting you know i’m feeling grumpy!  OMG I CANNOT TYPE

the huz is installing a new light fixture in the hall way to the master bath and it just goes on and on and on and on…earphone time! i’m listening to Queen. what are you listening to?

i went to the grocery store, that’s right, i went on a tiny little shopping trip. that’s more than a tiny little victory! not only do i have trouble with having the endurance to go to the store, but i used to go there a long time ago, before i was sick. people i used to know sort of recognize me and try to talk to me. i wish these overly curious people would mind their own business. i keep wanting to say they were only trying to be nice, but they’re not. if you listen to what they say and they tone they say it in, there’s always an undercurrent of feelings of disbelief. when i don’t have my cane, people give me dirty looks when i park in the handicapped spaces (i have a handicapped parking placard).

i fell asleep just then lol. i woke up having typed the letter “a” bizillion times.i haven’t been sleeping with my CPAP mask on, well for one reason my face and mouth have been hurting so much, and also cause i am finally admitting i really really don’t like that damn thing. you have to lay your head on the edge of your pillow so most of your head is sorta sideways on the mattress to keep from having the mask smashed into your face, which makes me panicky and eventually really pissed off that i can’t sleep comfortably. it’s bad enough that the rest of my body hurts, i have to strap that torture device on my face.

my huz is playing the new Zelda now, i’m doing this, and mackie is back in his hidey hole behind my desk. i can’t tell for sure, but i think he brought a bunch of paper back there for a nest. i can hear him back there sounding like he’s nesting. domestic bliss!

 

black and white, corgi, dachshund, dog, dorgi, Life, pets

mackie is having a good day! he’s chillaxing!

mackie is just letting it all hang out! lol pardon the horrible mess! mackie and i were playing tug there with a stuffed toy and it got shredded. i haven’t cleaned it up yet. pretty bad!

man, i wish i felt like that. i crept closer and closer to get the picture. it would be tragic to disturb him. but he was really out of it and i was very quiet.

when he does things like this i feel good because i know he trusts me completely and feels  so safe here that he will expose his whole underside. 🙂

 

mackie relaxed and upside down

another thing…

i wrote about my pedicure and manicure, but i never showed them here.  that’s a side thingy.

i needed sandals! i hate fru fru shoes and i’m not a shopper. now that i’ve got chronic pain i simply cannot deal with uncomfortable clothes or shoes. i  bought a pair of flip flops and they hurt so bad i thought i’d  cry.

so i got online and started searching for comfortable sandals that didn’t look like old lady shoes. i like sports clothes, i don’t wear them, but my husband does. i’ve gotten into the Adidas stuff he has. i like the way they look, black and white stripes are my favorite. but i’m not new to Adidas. i have an old pair of dilapidated Adidas sneakers, the old skool classics . i wore them into this condition. damn i love those shoes!

old addidas

i like examples! i like taking pictures! i am a visual learner. i guess that’s why art is so enjoyable to me.

after reading a gazillion reviews on sooooooooooooooooooo many kinds of sandals i decided to go with an old favorite brand that made super comfy sneakers.  i found in the reviews was an almost universal issue–the sandals ran extremely big so order a size down. they  the reviews were almost silly they were so good. lol lots of people said they were the most comfortable shoes they’d ever had. that sure sounded good to me. the price was reasonable, too.

as soon as i put them on i knew those silly people reviewing them weren’t silly. they are soft, so soft. they have toe grips, indents like Birkenstock’s food bed, only  made of leather. somehow the foot beds just keep your feet where they’re supposed to be. lots of sandals let your feet kinda float around and they’re really uncomfortable. i hesitated to get these because i thought the strap would be either too small or too big. nope. it’s perfect. and it has stripes! they really are incredibly comfortable. ordering a size  down, which is 8 for me. fits just right!  yay!

addidas sandals