abstract, abstractexpressiomism, art, Art for sale, contemporary art, fine art, painting, watercolors

“rotten grapes”

this and many of my other paintings are for sale. let me know if you’re interested. prices are very reasonable.

rotten grapes


13 thoughts on ““rotten grapes””

  1. I’m gonna have to wade through all your back posts are there are odd ones that I’d really love to buy, but can’t remember the titles etc… will get back to you when I’m done and see which are available. Would be an honour to own one of your pieces.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I keep meaning to say hi, bit I’ve been in a ‘a picture says a thousand words’ kind of mood. I call it a mood, but they make me feel trapped. I have moods that make me paralized. Like this communication problem when I simply can’t answer comments or even fav things. The same will be true across everyone I know and in real life, not even my dog. I feel like I have a little girl inside saying, let me out, I’m not bipolar. I tune her out immediately. That’s a little bit of what it”s like.

      But today I feel serious but talkative, maybe because the people who clean my house are coming in about 1/2 an hour. I can’t hide because there are 2 or three people here. I feel so invaded. I have art stuff ALL over the dining room table, like towels and boxes lol to keep them away from stuff! Nada on the damn stuff. They put a pile of finished paintings on a wet painting! I was staggered. If it hadn’t happened right in my house I wound not believe that some could be that stupid!

      So, I’m trying to connect with friends and put on earphones! I’ll be in my own little world!

      Omg I am sorry about the ramble and rant!

      How are you?

      Ummmm I’m not going to proof read this….


  2. Hi Ruthie,
    Thanks for your message and I FULLY understand the moods things. Interesting what you say about the little girl trapped inside you saying let me out… there are times when I have that feeling, that somebody within me, perhaps my real self, is trapped inside some strange humanoid robot form that’s operating on autopilot, desperate to get the hands on the controls!

    The feeling of being invaded is pretty wretched. I hate it too and is why I live a reclusive life. The sound that terrifies me most of all? A knock at the door. I NEVER answer the door unless I’m expecting someone. As the strangers knock, I just hiss silently at them to go away and leave me alone – I don’t want them invading my space and privacy.

    I’m OK… muddling along. Bit of a dull period lately not doing much and getting frustrated doing the dating site game all over again and constantly getting nowhere with that. I am trying my hardest to remedy my loneliness problem but sometimes it feels like fate declared I was born to be a loner to which I say “nonsense” so on I keep trying.

    I am working on a multimedia project… it’s my 30th anniversary as a musician in September so am compiling a boxset of CD’s and a DVD rummaging through my archives, not just of my own work but also of the many characters I met along the way. There’s a lot of great stuff in there as well as some “so bad it’s awful but funny” stuff which I’m gonna use, so that’s keeping me bemused late at night.

    Otherwise, not much else going on… just trying to decide whether or not to take in another weekend in Blackpool next week since the kids will be off school for the summer shortly so my last chance to enjoy it without them running amok everywhere!


    1. Hey there! It seems like you really ‘get’ me.

      There are two today. Neither speak English. One comes every time and she’s been coming so long, she knows exactly how I like it. She even wash my linens! They always do a fab job so it’s worth it.

      Omg, I so get the doorbell. If I get Chinese takeout the delivery dude pounds on the door with his fist. I freak the fuck out! I HAVE to answer the door. I almost cry. Ditto on the not answering if no one is expect. We have a landline just in case. When it rings I don’t answer it. Ever. But I can hear it ring and it bothers me. I have PTSD triggered by sound. It’s because my mother screamed at me so much. Right in my face or across a table, in the car.

      Do you feel like your home is your safety and sanctuary? That’s how I feel. What if there was no front door. The house swallows it. The walls grow over where the door was. You could have a secret cellar door where you leave unnoticed. Lol

      You feel the little guy in there too? What does he want to do if he gets out? My little girl would be strong and healthy. She’ll run all the way you NYC and go party, make a lot of real life friends. Or maybe join a motorcycle club and be an outlaw! I’ve always wanted to rise a big Harley!

      That is so cool that you’ve been making music for thirty years! You much Dave an avalanche of recordings. How exciting! Sounds like you’ve got a plan.

      I would be scared of being alone. A lot of it is that I can’t take off mysef. Do you want a partner or just check out women on a date or to have a close woman friend? Sorry if this it is too nosey, I’m just talking about the subject. I’ve written a lot and I’m scared of losing it. Sorry no proof reading again, my bad!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s nice to know I’m not alone on the issue of front door business. Yeah… that can still induce an attack of the panics – hate it since indeed, my home – wherever it currently is – is the only place on the planet where I feel 100% safe and at ease. My Dad screamed at me all the time so that would also explain why I hate loud noises and people shouting… it can really upset me. I even recently switched off my mobile phone… I now switch it on for just half an hour a day to grab any texts or whatever since getting texts or calls when I’m not expecting it can make me jump and startle me out of whatever frame of mind I’m in. As it is, only a handful of people have my number, so I am well protected and take major measures to keep that way. Paranoia? I can see why people may think that, but for me it’s simply basic survival and looking after myself… after all, we do have a choice so I use it!

    I’m not sure what the little guy would do if he got out… possibly perform again for a start. Be more adventurous and less fearful. It’s hard to say since from the very earliest age I never had any ambitions or wanted to be anything in particular. I read about your wish to be an astronaut and that kinda interested me as a kid, but now, knowing there’s zero chance I can be one, I never think about it! I truly was the contrary kid on every level, but never a problem child either.

    The audio/visual archive… I’ll probably write a feature on my blog about that (sorry you couldn’t access it earlier… a moment of paranoia had me putting the blog on private a couple of weeks ago – it’s open again now and what a surprise… another post about Syd Barrett! lol!) but in a nutshell there’s over 700 hours of audio recordings going back to 1987 and about 100 hours of video stuff going back to 1990. Tons of stuff. When I performed in Liverpool, every single one of those was recorded and I’d record other acts as well, so tons and tons of stuff. The earliest stuff all date from the last couple of years of school, so, a lot of memories in there.

    I had to learn to deal with being alone very early on as the first two years at school, I was regularly beaten up and had no friends at all – you know how cruel kids can be to disabled people. Problem is, I’m now so used to it that being in company, even people I like can be difficult at times, kinda like a sensory overload. I’ve only had one serious relationship in my life which lasted seven years. That ended 11 years ago and since then… I would like a female partner, a soulmate, best friend and lover all rolled into one. If they’re creative/artistic, then even better. The ladies I always found attractive wasn’t so much for their looks but their intelligence and humour. My ex had that in spades and many hours of fun were had bouncing ideas about, playing word games, writing songs etc… and I miss that. I don’t miss my ex, but I do miss the great things that came with her, so that’s kinda what I’m looking for.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Until I started seeing peter (I was 23) the longest relationship i’d ever had was 6 months max. He is the only person I’ve had a committed relationship. I understand not having many partners. i guess just the one.
      I’m sorry about your break up, but you said you didn’t miss her. Was it traumatic?

      I agree 100% about finding people attractive. As long as someone isn’t extremely unattractive, then the stuff you said about it is just like me. Even if you don’t really like the way someone looks yucky or very plain, if the right sort of person

      Liked by 1 person

    2. As time goes on and you like them more and more as you get to know them, they become more and more attractive. It’s so cool that happens!!

      I’m sad sometimes that peter isn’t much into literature and art or writing love letters basically hi is not at all into the liberal arts. But we find ways to compromise.

      Oh no you got your problem with loud noises the same way I did. 😕

      That sounds like an incredible body of work. In a way it’s like an autobiography! Do you have OCD? No offense, you don’t have to answer. I can ask it though because I have it. That much documentation is unusual (but pretty damn cool!)

      I am like that with digital documentation of my art and photos. You should see my Google drive. It’s super organized and fairly complete.

      The front door always gives me the start of a panic attack, but it goes away when they do.

      Oh yes, the little guy (and you) would tour the U.K. and Europe!

      Paranoia, pish posh. I am too, so fuck everybody else! I hope they think someone is following them! My biggest problem is people watching me through windows.


      Liked by 1 person

  4. One of these days we should exchange email addresses or something because we end up having good insightful banters here and in private I can be much more open and insightful.

    A LOT to comment on here, so… lets see…

    My ex… it’s a long complex saga. Bless her. I feel zero ill towards her and she’s now doing brilliantly as a professional photographer and I am so genuinely happy for her. Unfortunately, the time we were together she was reckless and wayward. I went to hell and back helping her get through many messes she got herself into. Essentially, a trying to keep it as brief as possible, she insisted on an “open relationship” and kept going on that she was a “free spirit” – I accepted that, but… “open relationships” don’t and can’t work. I was constantly getting hurt. She was going through the most reckless years of her life. It came down to a choice between her lifestyle or me. She chose the lifestyle which meant I either went down the tubes with her or broke free to rebuild my life. I chose the latter. It hurt, but there was no other way. Yes, it was traumatic, but… it couldn’t had been any other way after all we’d been through.

    When we first met, it was obvious to me, she was VERY attractive physically. She was genuinely cute, BUT that was never a deal breaker for me. She became my neighbor and over 6 months we hung out and I learnt she was genuinely intelligent and clever… very creative too and THAT was when I fell in love with her. Similar thing happened back in 1989 with a girl I met at college only this girl – I’ll call her C – was very plain looking. Over a course of three months I got to know her as a person and suddenly, one day she looked to me like the most beautiful lady in the world. I’d gotten to know her as a person and that was what made her attractive to me.

    Away from that… I despise RAP music. To me, it sounds and feels like being cornered by my Dad ranting, screaming and raging abuse. I HATE being shouted at and that’s why I cannot and never will like Rap or any music of that sort!

    OCD? I think there are signs of that as the archive also includes my journal… they stretch back many years and I still write those every day of my life. I’m forever archiving my life and activities so when my day comes and I pass on, combine my tapes, videos, archive, journals etc, you get the definitive self portrait in a jigsaw like collage comprising many different forms of media, that when added together tell you EXACTLY who I am, what I’m all about in every possible way. That’s why and how I see my life as being one big conceptual piece of art.

    Paranoia? The best way to deal with that is to remember that “paranoia is the highest form of consciousness!”

    Blackpool… yeah… I’ll be doing that and booking it when this weekend’s nonsense is out the way. I sure deserve it. Right now as I type, I’m being treated to the sound of the neighbor above me “having fun” with his girlfriend… moments like this… you naturally wish you were anywhere else.

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    1. Hi again! I took the puppy out and opened my package from Amazon! It was all pens, fine liners. I got a box of my favorites and 5 of another size I like a lot. I want to draw a big fancy pen and ink drawings. These pens are the inspiration for that.

      Oh you would hate what’s going on now! Someone is practicing piano louldly and very badly. scales!!!!

      When do you want to go to blackpool? Is it a seaside town?

      My email address is very.crazy.ruthie@gmail.com
      I don’t mind giving it out in public. You’re right, emailing would be better. Feel free to send messages at your leisure. It cracks me up because the way you say it so differently, and it sort of means something else, or at least a different phrasing. I don’t think that made sense.lol

      That sounds like a relationship with me (minus the open relationship. I could never no how no never would do that. I would have left her flat if that was what she wanted. I’ll tell you more about that in email.

      I’m a screwing up, making big mistakes, getting into all kinds of trouble. More in email.

      I love that quote!! Who is it from?

      Maybe you have a bit of OCD in you, but not clinically. I like to rearrange shit, like whatever is on my desk or if I have a device(s) charging, they have to be in the right place, lined up on a table,I cannot wear mismatched clothes. I check to see if I have everything I need when I leave. I put everything in a pile on the coffee table so I know I’ve got it all.

      Argh! Your noise problem is way worse than mine!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Quick email sent to you and will write more later as just having breakfast awaiting my Mum and her fella for weekend of boring madness.

        Yes, I had no idea what my ex meant when she went on about “open relationships” nor her definition of “free spirit” – to say I was crushed when I realised put it mildly but I loved her so much, I tried to play along and make it work. It couldn’t and didn’t. 😦

        It’s funny the OCD thing because it ONLY applies to that area of my life. Everything else, I’m terribly disorganised and lackadaisical.

        Blackpool should be next weekend. 🙂


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