anxiety, chronic illness, dessert, disabled, fibromyalgia, Japanese food, Movies

going alone

lately i’ve been having fun going to the movies alone. in the past i would have never done that. i would have expected it to make me really anxious. i buy a reserved seat on the aisle (i have to be on the aisle…so i can make a quick get away! lol). it’s a long way to the theaters from the front of the movie plex. i launched myself along to the theater. sometimes i went with the boot on, for my Achilles tendinitis and then i could really move. who would have guessed? 🙂

i like going alone because if the movie is bugging me i can wander around and get a refill on my giant soda, or primp and preen in the bathroom. if i really hate it, i can get up and leave! i don’t do that too often, but i have a few times and it’s fab not to worry about what somebody else wants! the seats at the theater (there’s only one i will go to…it’s close, i know my way around there and there is lots of handicapped parking!) best of all are the seats. they’re like nice recliners, more comfy than my furniture at home. the seats go back and a foot rest comes up. there are cup holders for your giant soda.

today i went out to lunch alone. that was fun too. i had red bean mochi for dessert and my husband wasn’t there to look disapprovingly at me. lol i can take as long as i want and i can look at my phone the whole time, if i feel like it. i don’t have to make conversation, which is sometimes awesome, but today i just didn’t feel like talking. i got there just before the lunch rush, so i got a booth all to myself. i had ramen (real japanese ramen, not the abomination in the plastic wrapper.) they make it with five different broths, you choose one. my favorites are shoyu ramen and miso ramen. it comes with a big piece of pork and a runny egg. i ask them not to give me those. ugh. there are still green onions, weird but tasty mushrooms, fresh corn, lots of noodles and broth. the broth is so go i eat most of that before i even start on the noodles, which are usually my main reason for ordering dishes like this. it was expensive, but entirely worth it. i’m a regular there now! the sushi chef plays bob marley allll the time. i’ve never been in there when he wasn’t playing it. i love that!

i always go to coffee on my own because my huz hates starbucks and only drinks the espresso he makes. i’m not so snooty. right after i get up and get dressed (sometimes i wear my pjs, it’s early) i go to 7-11 and get hazelnut coffee. if they don’t have it brewed, or if it’s been sitting in the container too long, they make me a fresh pot when i ask. i’m really, really a regular there.

there are so many bums around  there, men and women. i’m going to go bankrupt with all the money i give them. i probably shouldn’t, i mean, i don’t especially want those people around, even more so when i first  get up, but my heart goes out to them. i was talking this guy and he told me it had been months since he got to sleep laying down. i imagined that and was horrified. he walks with a cane, too, so i really feel his pain.

everybody is looking for bus fare. ha! they should build a bus stop and right next door, the the cigarette and liquor store, with weed dealers outside next to that. lol. they could have a sign…homeless people with a lot of change welcome here. hahahahah

so, try going places alone, you can make your own choices, independently, doing just what you want! it’s freeing and once you get over feeling weird about it, you’ll really like it, but i don’t thing many people would want to go *everywhere* alone. i sure wouldn’t. but it’s fun when your looking for freedom.

chronic illness folks, you can take as much time as you need to with out worrying about someone else wanting to go faster. you can stop and rest, you can decide it’s too much and just go home. having a handicapped placard makes it soooo much easier! i know some of you just can’t go and i’m sorry about that. i hope this post doesn’t make you feel bad!

have an awesome wednesday!!! ❤

 

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13 thoughts on “going alone”

  1. First… interesting how lately you’ve been writing more stuff about your daily life. You’re a fine writer and I’m finding it interesting reading about your life and your world. Enjoy the freedom to write as much as you like! No complaints from me! I read all about your running out of marijuana and jeez… I could relate to it so damn well! I knew the feeling and frustration. I haven’t smoked in a very long time but I sure remember how irritable I’d get having to get by without a smoke… then when I finally procured some and took a drag… ah! The world suddenly felt “right” again!

    Secondly, freedom. Unfortunately or fortunately – depending on how one looks at it – I do everything alone to the degree I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to do things with somebody beside me. Sometimes I mourn the fact I’m not sharing experiences with someone else but you do make some valid points about doing things alone I totally agree with. I think the biggest fear humanity has is being alone and I can understand and sympathise with that sentiment to many degrees, but I do genuinely believe we ALL need some solitude, some “me” time. You’re married but you do have and indulge in the freedom to do things on your own and that’s healthy. There is nothing worse than being chained 24/7… time on your own gives some breathing space and a great opportunity to find out what you think, feel and perceive. I’ve spent so much time alone that it’s a weird situation in that I find being around or with people more intimidating… not enough balance in my case and that’s what it all boils down to – balance – and judging from what you’re writing, you’ve acheived a healthy balance!

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    1. Thanks so much! I’ve always loved writing, art has kind of stalled for the moment, so I’m looking towards writing as my creative outlet. I’m glad you like the every day minutiae. Sometimes I wonder if it’s narcissistic to believe people care about that stuff but I’m very glad to hear you like it. My life seems to be about details, maybe that’s how I live in the moment.

      That’s exactly how I felt like when I run out and eventually get more! My dispensary has “frequent flyer miles” and I had enough (because I spend so much cash there) to get 3 of their prerolled joints which have a whole gram in them! I use them when my pain is bad or special occasions. When I came home from the dispensary I smoked, and like you say, I felt like everything was ok with the world.

      Even though I’m married I actually have a surprising amount of time alone. Sometimes it makes me sad and lonely. I’m sorry you​ are always alone. Do you have a dog? Mine hangs out with me all the time and it gives you someone to talk to and someone who needs you. I’d go to gigs with you if I could!

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      1. Yes, I find myself focusing much more on writing than anything else now as I write 365 days a year.

        I don’t have any pets. I had a cat a few years ago who suddenly dropped dead one morning aged just 6. That devastated me deeply so haven’t bothered since. I do talk to myself a lot… I guess I’m now so used to being alone that adding anyone else to the equation does feel like a disruption. That’s not how I wanted my life to turn out but I’ve accepted it and am at peace with it. Just those odd moments when it stings but I’m OK with it.

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      2. What do you write when you’re not write blog posts? I used to write in molskines for years but about 6 months ago. I guess I didn’t have anything I want to reflect upon or be reminded of. I have the journal which is mostly empty. I’d l like to start again.

        How awful about the cat. I’ve never had a dog before this one, but I had a beloved cat die and it was horrible. I need a companion and I love dogs, so I’ll go though it over and over.

        I understand how it’s odd to have other people injected into your alone time or life. When I’ve been alone all day and peter get home I almost feel upset.

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      3. I write a daily personal journal, a habit I’ve had for years so I use that as an outlet for all that bothers me as well as document my day to day life. I also have a couple of email pals and exchange very long emails with them covering a wide variety of bases, plus I write tons of stuff for personal pleasure and amusement, some which ends up on blogs, others just get filed away. The trick to journal writing is simple, but takes time and practice to implement – discipline. Once you develop the discipline, you always find time during each day to write in it. It’s a bit like blogging in a way – you get into the habit and routine of doing it daily and away you go!

        I love cats and dogs… just the sudden way my cat departed shook me to the core and since then, feel I can’t handle having another furry friend. I do prefer dogs to cats… more loyal and more intelligent than what some imply! My family have a long history of dogs and most of them were lunatics in their own loveable way!

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      4. Your idea about discipline is good one. If I put the journal in an obvious place and make myself write a little every day and grow up from there. I love the moleskine journals maybe start over.

        I wish I could do some creative writing, but I don’t have the confidence and it’s so much work.

        Poof kitty, poor bazz! That would be a really bad situation, emotionally. Such a shock!

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      5. Yes… all sorts of tricks one can use to get into the discipline. My journal is now done digitally using an excellent program called iDailyDiary which I’ve been able to use to fill in my entire life so far… scanned all my old written journals and pasted them in and currently wading through tons of photos, letters and paperwork, adding them wherever they need to go, so it’s becoming a chronicle of my entire life! Every day between 5pm and 7pm, I type in the journal… in fact as soon as I send this comment, I’ll be writing up today.

        Funny about creative writing. I LOVED doing that when I was younger and was always top of the class at school whenever we were required to do such pieces but I seemed to had lost that over the years. Strange because it came so naturally. I don’t read any fiction anymore which I think is a contributory factor… too busy reading nonfiction since it’s vital to me to keep learning new stuff!

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      6. No… I write it sometime inside those two hours. On average between 10 to 20 minutes depending on what sort of day it was. When on vacation, we’re looking usually at over an hour as there’s much more to write about.

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