abstract, anxiety, art, black and white, depression, drawing, fibromyalgia, illness, insomnia, mania, mental illness, religion

manic manic manic

i am so wide awake and it’s about 1:30am where i live. i’m out of marijuana. bad news! so i’m hurting more than i should and am more anxious than i should be. this is only the second time since i’ve been a mmj patient that i’ve actually run out entirely. i can get more tomorrow, shwew! i keep turning to the bong and start to pick it up, then realize it’s useless since i don’t have anything to put in it. i’ve been worrying about this for a week. eep!

i have a new painting to post but i thought i took pictures of it this morning, actually i did take them but when i was going to edit them, i realized they were a total fail. there were pictures of my hand, my shoe, the pavement, the door mat, the corner of the painting. doh! i have to wait until there’s some natural light. i used to try to take pictures of art in indoor lighting and the colors just aren’t right. even though i’me excited about this painting, i will wait until it’s fully light to take any pictures.

i have a cut on my toe that hurts like hell. shall we  go into full stream of consciousness!?

van morrison, gloria G L O R I A he’s going to shout it all night long! i’ve got all kinds of  tics and taps. that’s the mania. my shirt isn’t as clean as it could be. no worries though, no one is going to see it. i go to see dr. R tomorrow. i have something to yell at her about, srsly. it stems from  unpleasantness in the household. toe toe toe toe toe it’s easy to type. so is fuck fuck fuck. toe toe toe someone on instagram did an art trade with me and her little framed painting is hanging on the wall in front of me. we talked online pretty frequently i’d call her a friend i guess, or at least i would have, but she disappeared. dammit, why to people do that? stupid of me to say that because i’ve done it many times. still, when other people do it, i don’t like it.

i’m alright. i’m hanging in there, as i always say. the bread we have isn’t the sort of bread you’d want to put fried eggs on. that’s my favorite way to eat fried eggs, balanced on a piece of toast. what we have is cinnamon raisin which is super tasty, but icky with eggs. i mean, maybe the bread would be good as toast on the side, but with the eggs on it, it’s a no-go. toe toe toe

jesus, mary, and joseph i ‘m not tired! that’s a little phrase my dad used to say that my grandfather said and and my great grandfather. the latter two went to church and believed in god. still, they said it. probably because it’s rather catholic and my middle american family was very protestant and viewed catholicism as high church and they were low church. when you ask people what religion they are, they never say protestant or catholic or southern baptist, presbyterian, church of god in christ, on and on. now they just say they’re christians. i just don’t  know about religion. i don’t like organized religion, i know too much about history to ever believe in or condone it. i know that christianity spent a lot of time killing people, or people in it’s name, torturing, ostracism, rules and dogma, kicking out, indoctrination, punishment, misogyny, close mindedness

i didn’t intend to write about that!

here, have an elephant monster. don’t get me wrong, i love elephants. but this one is clearly a monster, don’t you think? white gel pen. tricky thing, that.  maybe i’ll write another post in 30 seconds. who knows?

elephant_monster

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “manic manic manic”

  1. I see an elf with big feet and little fairy wings. His nose points to the right and the tip of his hat on the left side of the image points to the tip of one of his wings. On the right side of the image his hands are out infront of him. I also see the elephant monster. This is a pretty awesome piece 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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