anxiety, art, bipolar, chronic illness, chronic pain, depression, dog, dorgi, fatigue, fibromyalgia, illness, music, painting, writing

a blown fuse in the stereo was the catalyst…

we have a stereo in the living room that my husband built. it’s beautiful, both in looks and sound. IMG_20151104_161920192

(thank heavens that bloody elliptical machine is gone. we sold it on craigs list.)

i love hanging out in there because the stereo sounds so good. sometimes during the day when everybody else is at work, i crank it and listen to something that gives me the shivers like “black bird fly” and “because” (beatles) or mozart’s requiem or some bad ass soundgarden, whatever. the volume can be frightening because if it goes all the way up (only happened about four times in a decade) it makes me crazy. the only way i can function enough is to grab the cord and unplug it. i have PTSD  from my mother screaming in my face for years, so loud noises just rip me up.

right now there is a tiny fuse blown in the amplifier that my husband can fix. he figured out the problem with all kinds of tools and meters. i love having a man who understands electronics intimately! the problem is it’s a very specialized part, not the kind of thing you can get at Radio Shack (the one near me is finally going out of business). he ordered it from an obscure site that will take 10 days to get the damn thing. i’m used to Amazon Prime, free two day shipping!

so. no music for 10 days, at least not in the downstairs without headphones. breakfast, no music, lunch, no music, dinner, no music. i don’t like head phones that much, they make me feel too warm. i don’t like earbuds cause they hurt my ears (they must be deformed mutant ears) and the in ear kind won’t stay in. it’s those mutant ears….

that means i am driven up stairs. that’s not so bad because we have what we call the red room, which, big surprise, is painted a nice clear red. that’s the office art room. it used to be anyway. when i was feeling much worse than i do now, while they were trying to diagnose me, i couldn’t come upstairs much because it was such an ordeal, so painful. thanks fibromyalgia and your chronic pain!!! my huz moved most of the art stuff downstairs  and i hung out in the living room on the couch and did what art i could. when i felt good/better i could sit at the dining room table and paint. i can make it into my happy place.


doesn’t that look fun!?

i’m way off topic! but who cares? it’s self expression and i should do whatever i feel like when i’m writing my blog, right?

there is a fab stereo in the red room and an other awesome one in the bed room, the purple room. the huz built both of those, too. building stereos, both the wood working and the electronics, is one of his hobbies. he’s a software engineer by day.

when i’m feeling crappy, which is 90% of the time, i can lay in bed and use my devices (that sounds rude lol), read a comic book, or draw in my sketchbook. inevitably i go to sleep. i think the pain just wears me out. plus fatigue is a biggie in terms of fibromyalgia symptoms. luckily the bed raises up at the top (like a craftmatic adjustable bed, remember those stupid commercials? doh!) so i’m pretty much sitting up and am more likely to stay awake, which is the goal.

i almost always have the puppeh in bed with me. he LOVES being in bed.


my PC is in the red room. i didn’t use it at all for a couple of years. i was downstairs with my devices. the WordPress app is horrible, just awful. it won’t even show notifications, it just sits and spins it’s wheels. that’s a lot of why i didn’t write in this blog for months and months. i couldn’t use the PC which is the only decent way to work on the blog. (i can still read other people’s blogs on the devices, shwew!) the other thing was that i was so overwhelmed and in so much pain and so depressed that the idea of writing anything was repugnant. now that things are a little better, i don’t mind writing, i’ve come to really enjoy it. i i used to write a lot. i still keep a journal.

the blown fuse on the stereo downstairs is helping write my blog!

totally off topic! i’m listening to the eagles harmonize acapella. that would be a good thing for cranking on the living room stereo.

oh, and welcome to my house! tee hee! 🙂

i hope you’re having an outstanding day! i plan to! ❤







6 thoughts on “a blown fuse in the stereo was the catalyst…”

  1. Hmmm… nothing like a good music system! I’ve always been a headphone man myself preferring to immerse myself within the music and not be a nuisance to anyone else and believe me, some of the stuff I listen to… I’m a very compassionate and thoughtful man as neighbours would not be amused if I blasted out “Trout Mask Replica”! I can’t stand earbuds – I swear they cause me tinnitus whereas headphones don’t. Interesting about how LOUD music can drive you mad… that’s precisely what “dance” music does to me at ANY volume. DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM… I swear after ten seconds of that, I feel a headache coming on. After one minute, I start feeling weird and after two minutes I feel like I’m going completely mad… seriously, my brain goes into a weird unsettling place. Five minutes, I’m ready to commit a murder! My brother was into all that stuff and had an enormous bass bin in his car… he’d switch it on to wind me up and after ten seconds of that at deafening volume I’d be screaming in rage at him… it took him quite a while to understand it really did affect me badly. You always knew when he was in the area – you couuld hear him half a mile away!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i know what you mean, people just don’t get it that you’re serious when simple things really bother you. i’m surprised he took so long to get it if you were screaming at him like that!

      because of my fibro my skin is very sensitive and things that would never hurt someone else can be excruciating for me. when my husband was ready to leave for work we always had a hug and kiss before he went. when we hugged he slapped me on the back as a sort of good bye send off, but it made me scream. as with your brother, you’d think he’d get it when it happened everytime. this was before i was diagnosed, so i figured i was just being a baby. when i was diagnosed i realized it really was a problem. the pain was real. it took me a couple of times for him to understand it even then.

      hahaha i love dance music! i was in the rave scene in san francisco in the ’90s. i danced all night standing next to a marshal stack! well, a lot of big speakers anyway! i could feel the breeze coming out from the speakers when the bass was crazy loud.

      you probably would have mass murdered everybody at the rave!

      i love bob dylan and i especially like “highway 61 revisited” but the harmonica/harp on “desolation row” hits a note that is very painful to my ears. i love it, so it’s not that i’m reacting to disliking it, i guess it’s just that one particular thing that hurts so bad. i still listen to it, can’t let it go, but i dread the harmonica part. lol i suffer for my music!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. He he he… I felt penalised in my late teens/early adulthood since guess what was being played in the nightclubs? It was awful because it meant I couldn’t go to them without the risk of being arrested for mass murder! Sure enough, all my mates and friends were not at all understanding of my plight so was a great way to become a loner.

        Years since I last listened to that Dylan album so will have to refresh my memory on that harmonica part! But yes, there are certain sounds that resonate, hit some raw inner nerve and produce a negative reaction. I have tapes of some amateur guy who turned up at some gigs in 1999. He was awful – totally tone deaf. I made recordings of those shows and to this day, they still crease me up hearing him screeching and wailing away like his testicles were trapped in barbed wire. I’d play it to mates and found I had a new way of emptying a room… they would be pleading with me to turn it off whereas I’d be doubled up with laughter at the awful noise and their desperate pleadings! They found the sound of his voice utterly intolerable and maddening whereas I could always find it funny!

        Incidentally, for the record I was born with a hearing disability. I have a complete high frequency loss. I can hear low and mid range fine, but everything over a certain level, I’m stone deaf to it. As an example – Keith Moon in The Who – I look at footage of him in action and he bashed the crap out the cymbals – I can’t hear ANY of the cymbal stuff at all. Have never heard a bird sing in my life and never will, so I miss out on lots of details musically, but still enjoy and love what I can hear.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. how sucky that you can’t hear that range! it must be strange to watch someone play, hit the cymbal and…nothing. i don’t envy you that. is there nothing to be done to correct it? it sounds like you just accepted it a long time ago.

        yes, so funny what doesn’t bug you bugs other people! humans are so perverse! i always wonder, ok, this sounds good to me, what does it sound like to that person that they hate it? does it sound different to me than them and that’s why we disagree? or something i like produce a strong negative opinion in someone else, even though it sounds the same to both of us. lots of questions on that subject.

        your mates must have been about ready to punch you in the snoot! that does sound funny and your description of wired up balls is pretty excellent!
        i love Grinderman which is loud and atonal but the huz seems to be in physical pain when he walks in and i’m playing it. it sounds so good to me!!! he likes some brian eno stuff that isn’t really offensive, but mildly annoying, which in music, to me, is really effing annoying!

        what a bummer for high school and college you couldn’t go out with your mates! yikes! that’s depressing, or at least it must have been for you.

        i was lucky in high school. i was a freshman in 1985 and i made a friends with a bunch of girls (i went to to a catholic girl’s school *gasp*) who all came together cause we were riot grrls. we were constantly getting in trouble for our hair or make up or clothes and for being… Woo! Woo! bad ass rebels!lol

        we went to lots and lots of tiny hardcore shows. my best pal started organizing the shows, bringing the bands in, getting the venues, etc. so i got to work the door a lot. that was so fun. everybody knew everybody and it was almost entirely local or small independent bands, a lot unsigned. it was like that all four years. sooo much fun. my friend worked for the label that Green Day started out on and now she owns it, naturally green day is long gone! her best pal became a successful producer. pretty neat. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. My hearing damage occurred at birth and is alas, irreparable. Not even cochlear implants would make the blindest bit of difference so as far as I’m concerned, I’ve never known what I’m missing! And as usual with a disability, it was other people that made it more of a problem!

        I’ve always gone along with something Frank Zappa wrote in his book in 1988 about music in general – “If it sounds good to YOU, then it sounds “good”!” or something along those lines. That’s why I love 60’s and 70’s so much because I just love the way it all sounds.

        Something my ears do find abhorrent these days is autotune. I can spot that a mile off and virtually every pop record I hear now is slathered in that making them sound like androids. Problem is, it doesn’t make the song sound any better and furthermore, I’ll hear a song and a minute later, I’ve forgotten it. I do like a good tune and a catchy chorus and the best ones are those which you hear once and it’s stuck in your head the rest of the day.

        One singer many love who I cannot abide is Neil Young. There’s something in his voice that makes me recoil in horror, yet I don’t mind Dylan or Captain Beefheart… Beefheart was another who would always get interesting reactions. Different strokes for different folks as they say!

        My high school years were depressing for me since I felt ever more out of place as my mates all fell into various factions – there were the Arena rock lot, the pop lot, the big hair metal lot and the dance crowd. I couldn’t stand any of those genres and that was when I went backwards in time to discover older gems since what I was supposed to be listening to in the mid to late 80’s left me cold. I also went through that era sporting a full on Beatle haircut so got a lot of grief for that but I never cared… I just did my own thing but not liking or relating to what everybody else was listening to made me more of an outcast! I wanted to “belong” to something or fit in somewhere, but never could. And I’m glad that happened since it’s all gone towards making me the unique character I am and remain!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yes and you are! Definitely turned out well in the…not in the end! More like in the middle. Lol

        I have always stood out. Sometimes it was good and intentional, like my tattoos and piercings (I took all those out cause I kept having to get MRIs and surgeries and take them out then put them back in. There were 20 (don’t worry a lot of them weren’t visible when clothed! I didn’t look freaky .Lol it was all symmetrical! )

        I had to have my piercer take them out and put them back in.

        Anyway I totally forgot what the point was. I was hurting so I got stoned and am not making tons of sense! Doh!

        In high school I just looked bizarre and loved it!

        Now I stand out because I walk slowly and carefully with a cane. People piss me off by opening doors for me and making silly fusses like I was made of glass.i can do most things, I am just slow and anxious. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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