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up down and all around

it’s been so long! hello blog friends!

i’ve been fighting health problems for a couple of months or more. the pinched nerves are most of my problem. this has been tougher than i expected, one of the more difficult things i’ve dealt with in my life. pain is always with me. i have good days, but those are only good compared to how bad the bad days are.

i’m trying really  hard to stop worrying about the future, cause, who knows what my life will be like in a month.

i want to be strong about this. i haven’t tried to be strong about much of anything in a long time. i’m accepting this challenge and i’m not going to give up!

i’ve connected with a lot of great people on twitter. they’ve become my chronic pain support system. find me on twitter,

@verycrazyruthie

i had another epidural steroid injection, this time on the right side of L4. that was yesterday. i had an incredibly painful day after that. my left leg, from knee to food felt like it was swollen triple size (it wasn’t, but that’s nerve pain for you!) and in a vice.  i had to check in with my husband at one point and to get help to decide if i needed to got to the ER. we decided no. when i woke up this morning i was feeling lots better! that leg pain was gone! most of me still hurts but any relief is a beautiful thing.

i’ve spent these last couple of months on the couch reading comic books, listening to music, smoking medical marijuana, writing in my journal, hanging  out with people on twitter…my spoonie friends.

as you can imagine, this is wreaking havoc on my bipolar and diabetes. so much to deal with!

i got 8″ cut off my hair, since it’s summer. it will have all grown back by winter.

i’ve done very little painting or drawing because it hurts to sit up in a chair. sitting on the couch is ok, lying in bed is ok, but standing sucks. i had to get a cane to walk with because my legs hurt so much and felt so weak. it was a really hard decision; i had to get over my own reaction to the stigma of being disabled. i put it off until i couldn’t leave the house anymore, it was necessary. it helps immensely, so i’m over the feeling of having to give in. sometimes i feel like it makes me look dapper! hehe

my dog has been a delightful companion during this time, he always is, but he’s really been taking care of me.  luckily  he loves the couch anyway, so he’s been curled up next to me most of the time. walking him is impossible. i let him wander outside and sit on my front steps. in the afternoons we play ball. i’m on the stairs, and i throw the ball for him. he loves it and it tires him out so he won’t be a pest (sometimes he’s bloody annoying! lol), and keeps him fit.

i’m on a variety of pain meds  and am pretty foggy most of the time. i can’t drive because of that and because of the pain.

it gets really boring, sitting in one place and doing whatever i can still do, which isn’t much. sometimes i just stare at the wall. i bought a fab new heating pad which makes passing the time more enjoyable. my lower back hurts like hell so i almost always have the pad on.  i had the yucky usual kind that bunches up and has a nasty cover. this one is 12″x20.” and is flat and soft. lots of nifty features (pain makes you really obsess about the stuff that helps). i put ice packs on my knees and there i sit.

my computer and my tablet died in the space of one week. my husband fixed the computer and i bought a new tablet cause i knew i’d need something to entertain me and electronic gadgets are FUN!

if i continue to feel better, i’ll be writing more. we’ll see about that!

 mackie next to me on the couch

my fur baby!

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