today is not going to be a good day. that’s a terrible way to start off the day, it’s a terrible way to approach anything. i’m feeling depressed and scared, though, so it seems like i’m beaten before i even wake up. getting out of bed is awful. when i put my feet touch the floor the pain starts. when i put my weight on them my caves hurt so bad that i have to grab the wall not to fall down. when i take a step my hip hurts so much i can hardly start walking. bending while getting dress is horrible. reaching down to tie my shoes hurts. sitting in a chair hurts.
you get the point. i made another doctor’s appointment for today. it doesn’t seem like bursitis could cause this kind of pain. the painkillers help, but they don’t make me feel like i can stand the pain. i’m scared. i have to hear what a doctor has to say. i don’t know if this has any basis in reality, but my first thought is rheumatoid arthritis. i had a good friend who had it and her pain was at this level all the damn time!
i painted something decent today, i think. it will be dry pretty soon and you can all see for yourselves. 🙂
if time permits, i’m going to make a card for my sister in law. her birthday is this weekend. she has aspergers and is very low functioning. she’s also a paranoid schizophrenic. i don’t have much contact with my inlaws and my husband really doesn’t like being around his dad. she’s sweet, but is the kind of person that makes others feel nervous around; she acts very differently from the social norm. she always sends birthday cards and tiny christmas gifts. we usually forget her until after her birthday. sometimes we send her amazon gift cards.
this year i decided she deserves more, more effort and more love. i’m painting some watercolor backgrounds to draw on for her. i did a few , so we’ll see. i have a lot of gel pens, metallics and iridescent, wild colors, etc. i think she’d really appreciate something drawn with those. i also bought some neon envelopes and i’ve got some rubber stamps. i’m going to make her something she’ll really like, and see that i put time in on it. yay!
i have to see my psychiatrist today, too. that’s not such a big deal, i guess. i don’t want to go, but who does? that’s at 11:30 and the appointment with the other doctor is 1pm. fun fun. luckily they’re in the same clinic. wish me luck!