change is not my forte

change, not my forte, stumbles, trips, runs, and rolls. trying to stay static, home is my safe house. leaving with trepidation, armed with phone, money, cards, and keys, time is on my side. who wears a watch now? is there no time to count? perhaps the phone counts time, as well as numbers, letters, and words. it can capture images, stealthy counting, captures souls, copyrights, jumbles and more stumbles. freedom is not having to record or count.

my freedom is constrained by worry. check time, put time in check. constriction to stomach. pain. constriction of pores. into the hot water, they open. dipped in cold water they shut down.  it could have been better. it  could have made me do that thing, that thing i don’t like to do. i keep my mouth shut and my lips are turned down. don’t do it. change it up. up with the corners of the lips. try to fight it, i wanna be grim. but instead i grin.

the roller coaster they always speak of is clanking it’s way up. chug chug. fear of falling up, looking for limbo. finding neutral, the always impossible, is a hopeless profession. down like a water slide, nice and easy? painful and easy? never easy. chug chug and vroom, down the slide. land on my ass in the grass. and so the roller coaster goes.

it switches up and shudders down, always in flux.

change is not my forte.


5 thoughts on “change is not my forte”

  1. my life is nothing but change. my work is change. i use to work in the emergency room, which is nothing but change. to me it is what life is.
    i dont wear a watch, except when i am not in the office but at work when at the facility. if i need to know the time, i check my phone. lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I admire that, I see not being able to change as a bad quality. It holds me back from living a full life.

      Wow, ER, talk about stressful! And patient after patient who thinks their problem is the end of the world. I certainly feel that way when I go there.

      Do you think being buddhist helps you change without fear of the unknown?


    2. I used to wear a beautiful watch that my husband gave me as a wedding gift. It stopped working and was outrageously expensive to fix so he bought me a pocket watch which was really cool, but when I got a phone that was the end of that!


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