i slip from the bed in the dark, with regret born of restlessness.
i tip toe to the bathroom and weigh myself on the physician’s scale.
i blink in bright suprise or furrow my brow in dismay.
i stealtfully slide out the door, listening to them breathing rythmically.
i turn the knob slowly, oh so slowly, and shut the door with a breathless click.
inky blackness is like a blanket draped over my familiar house.
padding to the hallway, pausing to pull on the socks, waiting for me on the ledge,
blink, blink eyes adjust to the low light, stepping into the next room,
pushing the the dimmer switch and seeing the rich glow on the red walls…
it is the only light in the house; awake again, too early.
i feel loneliness wrap me up and caress me like the chilly air seeping in through the window.
i sit down in my comfy chair and lay my head back, a little sigh escapes.
i am weary but my manic mind won’t let me rest
i notice the eerie but peaceful sound of no sounds, a moment of peace.
i draw breath into my lungs and, hush, let it out, nothing disturbed.
down the stairs, holding the banister, counting the steps, feeling the edges with my toes,
down, down to the smooth wood floor, my stocking feet muffle my steps.
onto the kitchen tile, thinking of summer, when the cool tiles are smooth on my bare feet.
making my way to the tea kettle, feeling for the favorite cup, my ritual.
flipping on the light, whoa! the light snaps at my eyes. the tea brews.
i take the mug in hand and slowly step up the stairs with more confidence.
i cross the threshold into the red glow, dim, but comforting.
i sit in the soft leather chair, choose music and begin to wake and relax.
i put my feet up on the ottoman and lose the dull desire for sleep.
i see the light seep through the nooks of the curtains, dawn comes at last!