one of the most troubling and upsetting things for me is disappointment. when i get my heart into an idea, it could be, going out to dinner and have something that bothers me about my food (that’s a recurring problem) i’m thrown into a tailspin. i want to cry, i want to get angry at someone, i want to have a tantrum, and the disappointment is crushing. i can also feel the same way about things like, not getting to see your favorite band because you are sick. that’s something that most people would consider very annoying and sad.
the disappointment i feel about little things make people think i’m overreacting and being a spoiled brat. i wish i did’t feel that terrible disappointment, but i do. it hurts inside. i think a lot of it is that i look forward to things so much that they make me meltdown about anything that doesn’t go the way i thought it would, or wanted it to be.
i wonder sometimes how people who are not mentally ill feel about things like that. i believe that the ‘normal’ people don’t understand how much more powerful emotions are to us, than to them.
i feel everything like it’s a life or death crisis. i hate it, it’s very traumatic. i think it’s a lot of the reason we have trouble fitting in with the rest of the world because they have no idea what it feels like to be bipolar.they write us off, and think that all our reactions are over the top.
goddamn i hate being misunderstood!