walking the dog

i slept really well last night! that’s always an important  part of what shapes my moods.

andrew and i always have breakfast together during the week. today it was oatmeal, the old fashioned kind, i cook it in my rice cooker, which has a timer. put it in the cooker the night before have it go off at 8am and is ready when it’s time to eat! i put brown sugar, pecans, walnuts, bananas, and a sprinkling of granola  on mine. soooo good!

it never occurred to me that mackie could get on the table, but now i know better! we forgot to tuck in one of the chairs so i guess he climbed up  and ate the left over oatmeal in the bowl. i caught him right in the act! it looked so funny to have a short little dog on the top of a big dining room table!

i dread having andrew leaving for work because i have to take mackie out, which is no big deal…except…i know people are watching me from all the windows. i can hear them saying things, but couldn’t make out what it is. i can see the curtains in the front windows, being pulled back with spidery hands with a face pressed to the window. i stare at the ground as much as possible. i pull my hair in front of my face and hunch up my shoulders so i feel, at least a little, like i’m not quite as scared.

i know that stuff is probably not true, but that’s how i feel.

my mood is numbness, if that can be a mood. there was a lyric in a song, a U2 song, i think, saying that it was better to feel pain than to feel nothing. i used to think that was case until enough bad things, bad feelings, enough physical pain, enough daily emotional pain, taught me that was bullshit. when Bono wrote those lyrics, he must not have known what it’s like to live with mental illness.


2 thoughts on “walking the dog”

  1. Hahaha! From 1999 thru 2013 I had a team of 4-10 Malamutes that sledded with and were my companions. They all eventually became seniors and I lost them all to various old age issues. The brats stole dinner ( like full roasts / turkeys at xmas along with the regular bread / butter/ snacks left out) I was so used to it and because I KNEW it would happen, totally my fault, I never gave them shit. I would run for my camera though lol!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oh wow, that’s would be so excellent, a whole team of dogs! you must live somewhere very far north with a lot of open space.

      oh i know what you mean, we’ve been trying to tuck the chairs in, but i always forget. 🙂

      when i saw on the table, it was like you said, way too funny and sweet to get mad at them about!

      Liked by 1 person

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