hooray for digital communication!

andrew and i have been married 20 years, as of july last year. i don’t work. simply can’t do it. i don’t have any real life friends. i’m agoraphobic, you know, all that bipolar shit.

we were going through this horrible argument every fucking day…he works all day, goes to they gym, cooks dinner and then spends the rest of the night playing video games on voice chat. i’d sit in the room, watching the game over his shoulder. when i get upset i just cannot stop talking so i’d interrupt and start bugging him over and over, trying to get him to talk to me, to constantly get him to pay attention to me. it was fucked up and horrible for both of us.

i was so lonely. i wanted to talk to someone. i was desperate to talk to someone. he had a long long day doing everything with any help. he just wanted to sit down and have fun with his friends, in retrospect, i can see that what he was doing is pretty normal.

but what if you wife’s bipolar?

he really is wonderful. he bought me a computer and hassled me until i learned how to use it. suddenly i had more interesting things to do and talk about, make friends, discuss issues he’d never want to talk about. then when he played with his computer i was messing around on my computer!

it made a huge difference for both of us. but now it’s gotten even better. i used to call him at work (he’s a software engineer so that’s sort of out of the question) and he’d say he would call me back, and never did. i was crushed every time.

but! now we both have smart phones. i love texting with him! he’s totally different. more light hearted, he was silly and sweet. i think he  likes it because i don’t freak out. if i text him he always texts me back right away. he uses emoticons a lot,. that sure was a surprise! it feels so easy and mellow. it’s a given that sometimes the other person will get busy and not reply for awhile.

i know i can communicate with him if i’m not safe. and i know that if he responds he has a little time (and he usually does) and we text a little. i know that’s not interrupting him very much.

sometimes when i get really upset i can’t communicate at all. ( this is funny, but works really well) i go in another part of the house and text him. we can  message a little and i’m not nearly as hysterical as i would be if i were talking to him, face to face.

hooray for the internet!!!! hooray for cell phones!

my phone is like my imaginary friend!

hope your day is going well! 🙂


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