i finally slept well last night. i’ve been waking up at four or five and not being able to go back to sleep for several days in a row. i’m so glad i broke that cycle! my hand is painful enough for me to be taking the percoset once every 3 hours. i’m trying not to eat anything so the painkillers work best. taking them this often makes me feel so much better, it’s awful, but the part of the reason i feel so much relief is because i’m getting a buzz off the pills. i’m taking antibiotics, too. i hate taking those. they give me yeast infections and generally make me feel mentally uncomfortable, not sure why.
speaking of relief…i’ve come to the conclusion that relief is the best emotion there is. that’s especially true for people (like me) with really bad anxiety. for me, relief is joy. it stops all the questions, all the dread, and your mind is free to think.
i usually spend all my time online at deviantArt, but it’s feeling a bit dull. i’m really glad someone suggested that write a blog. i’m meeting new people and seeing that there are so many people that understand, i mean really understand, here. it seems like i’m developing a new support system.
question…does anyone get annoyed when people write lots of posts a day? does it get overwhelming or boring, or tiresome? some people seem to post more than others. if i didn’t worry about bugging people, i’d post a gazillion times a day!
when i feel really depressed, i feel like i’m incapable of enjoying anything. i can’t think of a damn thing to do that wouldn’t frustrate or make me feel defeated. i sit at my desk and keep feeling driven to do something, anything! instead i sit here staring at the monitor or the sketchpad i’m doodling in. sometimes i can’t even doodle. and then the guilt takes over.
seems like a lose lose situation. hugs to everyone who reads this! (and to people who don’t! we all deserve hugs!).