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boo hoo

i’m sitting here wondering why nobody read my last post and trying to tell myself that i’m not getting a migraine because i know i am. i unwrapped the bandage on my hand (this is not me writing well written story, it’s me feeling sorry for myself) and none of the stitches have dissolved. i spent half the day irritated and in pain because my surgeon and my husband tell me it needs to be uncovered. i keep telling them that it hurts waaaay waaay to much for that. i put the damn thing back on again and it feels much better. i fucking hate it when other people tell me how i should treat my own body!

my mood has been crashing around my poor mind like the proverbial bull in a china shop. my emtions are just barely under the surface. when i asked andrew why he thinks people act so uncomfortable around me and he said it was because i seem like i’m about to burst into tears or start getting angry at any moment. he’s probably right, i mean, that’s how i feel.

i’m tired and there’s laundry to put away and a kitchen to clean.

i need catharsis but i feel so cold and angry that i can’t cry. when i talk my own voice makes me upset. idk what kind of upset, just upset. i can focus my eyes. that happens when i’m really depressed. i need to take a shower but it makes me scared to be naked and unable to leave because there’s shampoo in my hair.

i’m egging myself on now. ugh.

i’m not going to proof read this. i just don’t give a fuck.

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6 thoughts on “boo hoo”

  1. I read the last post πŸ™‚ Sorry you are having such a shitty day. Sometimes I am thankful for the obsessive cleaning I do. Helps focus my energy away from anxiety.

    Put your hair up and have a relaxing bath…. no shampoo needed!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We tend to think the writing is the thing, and the response a judgement on the writing.
    Not so.
    There is also an array of ways to gather attention, eyeballs, that have little or nothing to do with writing.
    Blogging is like that.
    Complicated if you measure success in numbers!

    Liked by 3 people

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