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on the roof and in the closet

the homeowner’s association sent two men to look at the leak in the roof. i was the only one home and having strangers in the house, even when andrew was home, scared the crap out of me. rain was predicted for the following day so we HAD to have them take care of the problem right away.

by the time they got there i was already a panicky mess. they pulled up in the driveway and got out of a really ratty station wagon. i had expected a truck with a roofer’s logo and workmen in uniforms with their names embroidered over the pocket.

i ran down the stairs with a lump in my throat and let them in. they started going upstairs after muttering something. i started to hyperventilate. they carried a ladder in, opened the door to the attic, which was in the ceiling, and climbed up.

i dashed into the computer room and shut my eyes repeating “it’s gonna be ok, it’s gonna be ok…” over and over under my breath. when i opened my eyes, a couple minutes later, the ladder was gone!!!! the attic door was shut. their car was still in the driveway.

i heard them walking around above me, in the attic. i felt like i’d been punched in the gut. i grabbed my phone and called andrew. when he answered i was already babbling, sobbing high pitched hysteria. he tried to calm me down, but it was hopeless. i begged him to come home. he agreed and i went and curled up in the bedroom closet.

when he finally got home he found me there with my hands over my ears. he told me they’d been on the roof all the time i thought they were in the attic. he sent them on their way and hugged me tight.

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4 thoughts on “on the roof and in the closet”

  1. I just wanted to say, that I go through something very similar when people come to our house, to come in and fix things. Even when people knock on the door, with something I or my boyfriend ordered online, or for another reason, I never open the door because I am too afraid. I usually run into another room and hide. When maintenance people come into our home, I panic and get extremely stressed and anxious. It’s scary because this is where I feel safe, usually, and it feels invasive…having strange people around me. Most of the time people scare me, and I avoid them unless I feel I can socialize (which is rare, I guess). I am so glad you have someone who supports you, and is there for you. Aaron, my soul mate, is the same way. I came home grumpy yesterday because I had a terrible day at college, because of panic and people, and I was so angry and burnt out…and he was patient with me and cared for me like he always does. He listens to everything I have to say, no matter how crazy it must sound sometimes. Try and take a deep breath, they’re gone, and you did your best. Your home is sacred, so it’s understandable to panic when strange people are there. Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s good to know that some people share similar experiences and emotions, so that none of us feel alone. I think you are very strong for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. thank you so much. i thought about the last thing you said and i realized that you’re right, it was hard to share that. that’s true for all the “stories.” they’re incredibly personal but i guess i can did it by making it seem like fiction. i’ve never discussed any of those thing with anyone but andrew and my psychiatrist. thank you for reading it!

    intrusive is exactly what i thought when i decided to write it. like you, my house is my safe place. i don’t want anyone to come in, other than andrew and mackie (dog). you have to have somewhere to hide!

    i’d never (literally) make it without him. he never ever gets impatient with me. never raises his voice, never snotty.

    i’m really glad you have a rock to hang on to, too. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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