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self medicating

i am sitting at my desk, rocking my chair up and down in time with the music.

i think of the past, maybe 8 years ago? 9?

i was sitting on the floor of the room my husband and i share, half art room, half gaming room, counting pills. when i feel panicky, this is what calms me. i have a very large prescription bottle full up with  klonopin. they’re smallish, white, scored, uncoated tablets. i took three 2mg pills a day. but counting them made feel more calm than the drugs themselves.

but maybe that’s not true because i stumbled around the house all day forgetting where i left my water bottle. i had to have cold water at hand all the time. if it took  me too long to find it, i headed right back to the fridge to get another.

klonopin was my friend, my nurse, my recreation, my obsession. i had bottles of it tucked into secret spots all over the house, even in my car.

ironically, i’m self medicating with my meds.

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7 thoughts on “self medicating”

  1. My name’s “Leah”…I’m a Lead Vocalist/Bass Player/Guitarist..& I Am Exec. Producer For..”World Class Songwriter’s”…Based out of Nashville,I’m also an “Addict In Recovery”,Diagnosed..”Bipolar,P.T.S.D.Severe Anxiety Disorder & OPIATE DEPENDANT!!”..I “LOVE THIS TUNE!!” & Would Like to discuss more about it in detail..lmasters47@yahoo.com,(513)601-5125..*PLEASE*..Contact Me @ Your Earliest Convenience?? Thanks!!..~Leah~ \m/\m/

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  2. My APOLOGY’S,as I entered into this Conversation after seeing the video!! I did NOT (Again,I’m Sorry!)However,I’ve read your “Klonopin” article & although I’m getting clean(OPIATES!!) I’m “TOLD BY M.D’s & Pro’s.,Etc…That I’ll be on “Anxiety Meds”..’Til I Die!!??..COMFORTING,RIGHT??..At One Pt…My Doctor “LEGALLY” Prescribed Me=300,10 m.g Methadone Pain Pills Monthly..ie:100 m.g’s a day 5 x 2 a day,90 “Soma’s” Per Month..ie:3 Tabs..# x’s per day AND 120 “XANAX @ m.g’s a month..1 tab..4 x’s per day..8 m.g’s a day!!Yeah,I’ve got NUMEROUS PAIN ISSUES & SEVERE ANXIETY/P.T.S.D Issues,But when a Dr. Of 40 + Years ADVISES You To Do This,I’m An Addict Thanks To Guys Like Him “ENABLING-ME!!”…Was I REALLY Going To Say..”Well,Doc,You DO REALIZE” That… That’s KNOWN AS..”The “Anna Nicole Smith Cocktail” and I’d Rather NOT?! I’ve Forgiven Them All,RESENTMENT WILL KEEP ME HIGH!! I just want to move along & ENJOY what’s left of MY LIFE!! ~Leah~

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